Immortal Albino but Drugs

Summary:

This SCP has been around a while (Greenlight, Critique)

Immortal Depresso Albino needs Drugs to Calm Down

Azura Quinn 13 Jan 2020 12:35

This SCP has been around a while, is sad but with a few prescription drugs on his side, he is now a sweetheart. This is my first SCP

I trimmed your thread summary above, since it was taking up a lot of space on the forum listing. Try to keep thread descriptions and titles under 7 lines so you don't visually crowd out other people's threads. ~Zyn

So this is the concept for my first SCP.

SCP-XXXX is an Ancient Egyptian that has most of the characteristics of someone with Albinism but doesn't actually seem to have it when looking at its genetics. It is unable to die of old age and will live on forever unless killed by other means. SCP-XXXX is physically stronger when in its usual state and will be highly aggressive. It will do great deals of damage.

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SCP-XXXX is given injections and pill dosages of a drug called Ethatide to keep it from this aggressive and depressive state. When under the effects of Ethatide, SCP-XXXX will be very happy and is allowed to walk around the Facility and visit safe-class SCP subjects.

If SCP-XXXX is left wandering for too long the Ethatide will begin to wear off, signalled by a drop in mood. SCP-XXXX will then be returned to its cell and given its Ethatide.

Doctors spend lots of time interviewing SCP-XXXX and asking it questions about it's past. As when it first arrived at the facility it spoke only ancient forms of the Egyptian language. Specifically Middle Egyptian. Doctors find that most questions are answered in a happy tone, some trigger it's key original emotions, and that they are best to be avoided. They are still trying to figure out why this is.

There could be more to learn about Ancient Egypt, and answers to how SCP-XXXX has lived this long.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 14 Jan 2020 13:30 by Azura Quinn Show more

Re: Immortal Albino but Drugs

Doctor Fullham 14 Jan 2020 04:55

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I can immediately identify several remnants of series 1 articles in here that don't go over so well on the wiki anymore:

It is unable to die of old age and will live on forever unless killed by other means.

Superpowered, Immortal Humanoid

SCP-XXXX is physically stronger when in its usual state and will be highly aggressive. It will do great deals of damage.

Rage State

When under the effects of Ethatide, SCP-XXXX will be very happy and is allowed to walk around the Facility and visit safe-class SCP subjects.

Allowed To Roam The Facility Freely

These three elements alone are going to have a lot of people disliking this article regardless of the other content. These are not ideas that are impossible to incorporate on their own, but with three of them in one article, the rest of it is going to have to be great for these to work. And the "allowed to roam the facility," there's just no justification for that anymore. It's just not a thing the foundation would do. Not Immediately Hostile does not mean Cannot Be a Threat.

What you have currently is the "Superpowered humanoid" or "X-Man" concept. An SCP article is much more than simply an anomalous item, being, place, or event. The true meat of the SCP is the story around the anomalous thing. The thing itself is a vehicle that the narrative is attached to. To give my best example from Series 1, look at SCP 093: The anomalous item itself is a rock that turns mirrors into interdimensional portals. The thing that makes this SCP shine is the story; the history of the dimension that it leads to.

I recommend reading several items on the Guide Hub:

How to Write an SCP

Essay Regarding SCPs, Narratives, and How They Can Share a Page

There are other guides there that can be very helpful, but these are some of the most often recommended for first-time contributors.

As you are pitching a humanoid SCP idea, I also recommend reading So You Want To Write A Humanoid SCP Object to assist in avoiding the "X-Men problem."

General Notes

We need to know more than just "it's an ancient, immortal albino Egyptian that needs antidepressants." What story are you going to tell - How The Foundation found it? Its history and motives? (I'm not sure how you'd do that if they can't actually communicate with it)? How did they find out it's immortal?

I recommend reading a significant amount of the top-rated SCPs from the last several months, and focus on reading more recent SCPs rather than older series. Many early series SCPs would not last a day under current SCP standards, and a few are only still around because of their history with the wiki itself. (This does not apply to all early series SCPs, but many of these were written before the wiki's style had really been cemented.)

The anomalous entity, while important, is not actually the main focus of the SCP. A good story, a compelling narrative, something that makes the reader feel something - that is the goal of an SCP article. What feeling do you want to evoke from the reader? Horror? Empathy? Sadness? You need to create a narrative around this object and its effects.

I am not saying this to discourage you, I just want you to understand the amount of effort that goes into creating a successful SCP.

If you can revise this idea with a story that you want to tell, we will be able to give you much more meaningful and constructive critique.

Re: Immortal Albino but Drugs

Azura Quinn 14 Jan 2020 13:21

Thank you for the feedback!

I'll rework the idea and try to get rid of the Superhuman feel. I already had a lot of story planned but I didn't know how to sum it up. It was supposed to be a mystery so I hadn't thought of a way to put it technically.

How it was found, how it was speaking and how it learnt things such as new languages I did have notes on. I will read those pages to see what I might be able to do about changing it.

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As for how it was written I had my draft already complete before posting this. All the elements had already been put into place, I had interviews as an example of how the SCP would interact with it's reoccurring doctor, Dr. Azuza. The conversations would bring some story in and the descriptions of his face and demeanour were also included. I think a major flaw I had here was not knowing how to explain all this in a shorter form, just out of writing skill in that area I think.

I am not new to writing but I am new to writing SCPs specifically. I will try and change things that aren't going to work and will try and explain some story while I am writing this next time.

I'll try and figure a better way of making it's powers a clear connection to it's story, rather than just giving it these rage modes and such. I hope that my next attempt will be better!

Also, don't worry I understand you aren't trying to deter me from writing, I asked for the critique so I thank you! It helps!

Last edited on 14 Jan 2020 13:41 by Azura Quinn Show more