The Death Harvester

Summary:

A humanoid creature who has an obsession with poisons

The Death Harvester

(account deleted) 05 Jan 2020 23:56

Description

A humanoid entity that wears a leather coat and metallic gas mask, the gas mask appears to be fused to the coat. The entity is capable of speaking, yet its mask muffles its voice beyond comprehension, the entity seems unaware of this. Any attempt to remove the coat or mask causes the entity to become violently distressed as it appears to cause severe pain even though X-ray scans have proven its suit to be separate from any flesh. It shows no need or desire for food or drinks. It has been shown to be able to see in extremely dark areas. It has a fondness for studying poisons and venoms and keeps notes in a leatherbound journal with the greek symbol “omega” engraved on the cover.

Backstory

The creature was found in the basement of an abandoned warehouse, when it was discovered, it was found to have jars of various poisonous substances, including snake venom, a variety of mushrooms, and ricin. The entity had set up a lab and was testing with its collection of poisons. The Foundation was able to easily contain it as it did not resist.

Containment

This creature is to be stored in a cell roughly the size of an average hotel room with a sealed door. It should be given a desk and may be given samples of venom from animals, its testing must be monitored after the entity spiked a guard’s water with scorpion venom for experimentation.

Re: The Death Harvester

Doctor Fullham 06 Jan 2020 01:25

Gonna start with the obvious: this sounds really similar to SCP-049. Humanoid doctor, dark coat and a mask, mask and coat cannot be removed, does stuff that kills people. There are so many similarities here that I feel like a full rework of the base concept is needed before I can call this anything but "another -049."

Aside from that…

My cure is...

It should be given a desk and may be given samples of venom from animals, its testing must be monitored after the entity spiked a guard’s water with scorpion venom for experimentation.

Why? It's locked in a room. What's going to happen if it isn't given this? Why would it have unsupervised access to a guard's drink, ever?

The Foundation was able to easily contain it as it did not resist.

Why not? Why did it allow itself to willingly be captured? And what tests was it doing? How did the Foundation learn about it?

What you have currently is the "Superpowered humanoid" or "X-Man" concept. An SCP article is much more than simply an anomalous item, being, place, or event. The true meat of the SCP is the story around the anomalous thing. The thing itself is a vehicle that the narrative is attached to. To give my best example from Series 1, look at SCP 093: The anomalous item itself is a rock that turns mirrors into interdimensional portals. The thing that makes this SCP shine is the story; the history of the dimension that it leads to.

I recommend reading several items on the Guide Hub:

How to Write an SCP

Essay Regarding SCPs, Narratives, and How They Can Share a Page

There are other guides there that can be very helpful, but these are some of the most often recommended for first-time contributors.

As you are pitching a humanoid SCP idea, I also recommend reading So You Want To Write A Humanoid SCP Object to assist in avoiding the "X-Men problem."

General Notes

We need to know more than just "it's a being that likes poisons and doesn't need food or drink." What story are you going to tell - How The Foundation found it, Who or what created it and why, did someone use it to some end? What are its goals, its motivations, its personality? What doe s it want, and why? (These are not all questions that must be answered, these are some possible narrative hooks.)

I also recommend reading a significant amount of the top-rated SCPs from the last several months, and focus on reading more recent SCPs rather than older series. Many early series SCPs would not last a day under current SCP standards, and a few are only still around because of their history with the wiki itself. (This does not apply to all early series SCPs, but many of these were written before the wiki's style had really been cemented.)

The anomalous entity, while important, is not actually the main focus of the SCP. A good story, a compelling narrative, something that makes the reader feel something - that is the goal of an SCP article. What feeling do you want to evoke from the reader? Horror? Empathy? Sadness? You need to create a narrative around this object and its effects.

I am not saying this to discourage you, I just want you to understand the amount of effort that goes into creating a successful SCP.

If you can revise this idea with a story that you want to tell, we will be able to give you much more meaningful and constructive critique.

The anomalous being is the vehicle, the narrative is the person driving, the readers are the passengers. You can have the shiniest, most polished, most interesting vehicle in the world, but without the driver, the passengers aren't going anywhere. Where is the narrative taking the readers, and how is it getting them there?

Last edited on 06 Jan 2020 02:29 by Doctor Fullham Show more

Re: The Death Harvester

(account deleted) 06 Jan 2020 19:58

So, a few things I changed or added:

The entity does not kill humans, instead preferring to test deadlier toxins on mice.

With the story about the water; a guard was giving the entity a small supply of venom and brought in a glass of water, even though it was against the policy to do so. While the guard's back was turned, the entity quickly put an few drops of the venom into the water.

While it was being captured it showed little desire to resist, it acted more confused than scared.

After reading through the entity's journal, it is very clear that the entity was a human during the late 1940's who was kidnapped and experimented on, the entity hopes to find the toxin used in hopes of curing itself, or to find a toxin strong enough to kill itself.

If the entity is not given a proper working space, it will become agitated and will become non-compliant with foundation staff.

Re: The Death Harvester

Doctor Fullham 06 Jan 2020 22:05

It's a familiar taste...

a guard was giving the entity a small supply of venom and brought in a glass of water, even though it was against the policy to do so.

This feels really out of character for the Foundation. Keep in mind this is a place that takes procedure and rules very seriously, exactly for reasons like this. The guards are not mall rent-a-cops, they are highly trained security personnel. If they knew this guy had poisons, they would not bring an open drink container into his containment chamber. It's just a bridge too far for me. Plus this whole situation doesn't really add anything other than questions of why this was allowed to happen at all.

If the entity is not given a proper working space, it will become agitated and will become non-compliant with foundation staff.

Okay, but to what extent? If it's not risking a breach, they're not going to give this guy poisons to play with just because he gets angry if they don't. It's just not something the Foundation would do. They are there to contain threats - it is not a hotel. They are not there to make sure your stay is comfortable. Why do they care about his compliance? What does the Foundation actually gain from doing this?

Even considering all that, the similarities to 049 have not been addressed. Dark coat and mask that cannot be removed are so vital to 049's image that you really have to get rid of that or a lot of people are just going to overlook this as "another 049 clone".

After reading through the entity's journal, it is very clear that the entity was a human during the late 1940's who was kidnapped and experimented on, the entity hopes to find the toxin used in hopes of curing itself, or to find a toxin strong enough to kill itself.

So, he's immortal and invincible? He can't die at all? He doesn't age? Does he need to breathe? Does he bleed? Has literally every other form of death failed? Why does he think a poison will work if all else has failed?

This is getting even further into "X-Men" territory, because "I was experimented on and given these powers, I never asked for this, I just want to be normal and be allowed to die" is one of the most common comic book plots.

Plus, why was the Foundation called in on this in the first place? They don't respond to 911 calls about a dude using poisons. I feel like he'd need to get either shot a bunch while resisting arrest and not die, or be brought to the hospital and they find out he can't take off the coat and mask before the Foundation got involved.

I'm not comfortable giving this a greenlight. It's still too similar to one of the most well-known SCPs ever, and really just reads like a comic book.