“Living” Commodore 64

Summary:

creates the hallucination of a corporeal being

“Living” Commodore 64

zsielous 04 Jan 2020 07:56

Commodore 64 that on boot creates the hallucination of a corporeal being that obeys all commands akin to a text adventure.

I trimmed your thread summary above, since it was taking up a lot of space on the forum listing. Try to keep thread descriptions and titles under 7 lines so you don't visually crowd out other people's threads. ~Zyn

In essence, a standard Commodore 64 that, when booted with one of its cartridges inserted, displays a cognitohazard that causes one to hallucinate a female-shaped Android with a notably yellowed plastic skin/shell. Follows almost every instruction akin to a text adventure (i.e. “Put cake on plate”). All four cartridges produce differing levels of obedience; ranging from cart “1” (follows all orders perfectly) to cart “4” (acts independently). Destroys other carts if not first booted; apparition seems to “know” the games even if not a text adventure.

Last edited on 04 Jan 2020 08:59 by Zyn Show more

Re: “Living” Commodore 64

Doctor Fullham 05 Jan 2020 03:48

In essence, a standard Commodore 64 that, when booted with one of its cartridges inserted, displays a cognitohazard that causes one to hallucinate a female-shaped Android with a notably yellowed plastic skin/shell. Follows almost every instruction akin to a text adventure (i.e. “Put cake on plate”). All four cartridges produce differing levels of obedience; ranging from cart “1” (follows all orders perfectly) to cart “4” (acts independently). Destroys other carts if not first booted; apparition seems to “know” the games even if not a text adventure.

Okay so you have one very important question to answer here: Is it a hallucination or not? You mention it following instructions such as "put cake on plate". Are the cake and plate hallucinations too, or can this thing interact with the real world? Because if it can it is not a hallucination.

Destroys other carts if not first booted;

What destroys the carts if what isn't first booted?

What you have currently is the "thing that does a thing" or "X that does Y" concept. An SCP article is much more than simply an anomalous item, being, place, or event. The true meat of the SCP is the story around the anomalous thing. The thing itself is a vehicle that the narrative is attached to. To give my best example from Series 1, look at SCP 093: The anomalous item itself is a rock that turns mirrors into interdimensional portals. The thing that makes this SCP shine is the story; the history of the dimension that it leads to.

I recommend reading several items on the Guide Hub:

How to Write an SCP

Things What Do a Thing: An Essay On Anomalies That Are Things That Do A Thing

Essay Regarding SCPs, Narratives, and How They Can Share a Page

There are other guides there that can be very helpful, but these are some of the most often recommended for first-time contributors.

General Notes

We need to know more than just "it's an old computer that spawns 'hallucinations' (still unclear on if they are or not)." What story are you going to tell - How The Foundation found it, Who or what created it and why, did someone use it to some end? (These are not all questions that must be answered, these are some possible narrative hooks.) You need something that differentiates this as an SCP, instead of just an Anomalous Item.

I also recommend reading a significant amount of the top-rated SCPs from the last several months, and focus on reading more recent SCPs rather than older series. Many early series SCPs would not last a day under current SCP standards, and a few are only still around because of their history with the wiki itself. (This does not apply to all early series SCPs, but many of these were written before the wiki's style had really been cemented.)

The anomalous object, while important, is not actually the main focus of the SCP. A good story, a compelling narrative, something that makes the reader feel something - that is the goal of an SCP article. What feeling do you want to evoke from the reader? Horror? Empathy? Sadness? You need to create a narrative around this object and its effects.

I am not saying this to discourage you, I just want you to understand the amount of effort that goes into creating a successful SCP.

If you can revise this idea with a story that you want to tell, we will be able to give you much more meaningful and constructive critique.

The anomalous item is the vehicle, the narrative is the person driving, the readers are the passengers. You can have the shiniest, most polished, most interesting vehicle in the world, but without the driver, the passengers aren't going anywhere. Where is the narrative taking the readers, and how is it getting them there?

Last edited on 05 Jan 2020 05:43 by Doctor Fullham Show more

Re: “Living” Commodore 64

zsielous 05 Jan 2020 13:39

These are some very good critiques - on reflection, I should be doing more.

To review on some points:
My idea is that as long as the objects intended to be interacted with are physical, then the apparition can interact with them - perhaps my usage of hallucination was imperfect in this case; it’s a case of Mr. Deeds/SCP-662, where the entity “manifests” as a result of booting the screen when the cartridge is inserted. Is there a better term for this? Or should I simply label it just that, “an entity”?

As for point two:
Clarity should be my goal, and I think I misinterpreted the rule of “under 500 words” as “under 500 letters”; so forgive me on trimming. The cartridge reader for the C64 will delete any other non-anomalous cartridges if they are inserted before “the entity” appears.

As for the final point… I can definitely see where you’re coming from. I didn’t intend for it to be “point a to point b” in this case; I was hoping to expand upon the concept of “a living entity will obey even the most impossible or idiotic of text adventure logic” if the idea got green lit; though I chose to only keep the core of the idea for this stage.

In hindsight, I should be using the engagement of text adventure logic implied on a physical/imaginary being (I’m still unclear on some terminology, so I’ll refer to the guides) rather than the being itself.

Thank you for your critique - I hope these points clarify further on my idea.