The Iron Guard (Concept)

Summary:

A spirit-infused medieval suit of armor

The Iron Guard (Concept)

Gabriel Wright 02 Jan 2020 13:07

A spirit-infused medieval suit of armor whose sole purpose is to avenge the fallen, growing more fearsome and potent with each failure to save a life.

I trimmed your thread summary above, since it was taking up a lot of space on the forum listing. Try to keep thread descriptions and titles under 7 lines so you don't visually crowd out other people's threads. ~Zyn

A two-handed blade wielding empty suit of 15th century medieval armor on a stone pedestal is found in the bowels of an abandoned castle, and taken to the Foundation on reports of the armor's helmet tracking those that enter its line of sight. The armor does not appear to move in any other way, and does not interact nor communicate with personnel. Thermal imagery reveals a masculine figure inside the armor, but is invisible otherwise. SCP-#### only acts when a human has died within a vicinity of its pedestal, to which the entity will become animate, actively seek out whatever caused the death, and attempt to destroy it. The more people that die within the armor pedestal's radius, the more powerful and relentless the Iron Guard becomes.

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First ever SCP idea, so any critique, advice, or direction to another SCP of similar or identical standing (such that I'm not copying anyone by mistake) moving forwards would be appreciated greatly.

Although somewhat thinned out in the summary, the main idea I strive to work with is an entity taken in by the Foundation that is not inherently catastrophic to humanity, but instead somewhat, if not completely, beneficial to it. Additionally, I find "versus" interactions between SCP's very interesting. So, to my experience, in a universe where human lives are taken frequently by SCP's, having an SCP that responds to and combats this directly fits both of my desired narratives; something that can help or avenge humanity to a degree, as well as set up possible conflicts between this SCP and another.

However; I am extremely new to this community, and this ever expanding universe. If this trope is one that is worn out in the community, common, or one that wouldn't fit, I'll put to rest any more thought on this idea and think of another. I am aware of the simplicity behind an SCP that is, essentially, designed to combat other SCP's as opposed to eating, maiming or otherwise destroying humanity… but things such as deeper lore or how the Foundation would handle such an anomaly, if at all, are subjects I would like to avoid touching on until I have a better understanding of how an SCP such as this would work in-universe. (Which if nothing else, I would love input on the most; specifically how the Foundation would react to an entity that could perhaps serve as an asset in the event of a hostile containment breach.) Nevertheless, I have much more detail to share should it be of use, as, I've spent some time thinking about this…

My priority was to get the concept out for critique, to see if this is at least worth further pursuit. To the reviewer(s) who took the time to read all this, thank you for your patience, as well as any guidance you may provide.

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 02 Jan 2020 21:37 by Zyn Show more

Re: The Iron Guard (Concept)

Doctor Fullham 02 Jan 2020 15:50

Every GoI's crazy bout a...

I have one major question right off the bat:

SCP-#### only acts when a human has died within a vicinity of its pedestal, to which the entity will become animate, actively seek out whatever caused the death, and attempt to destroy it. The more people that die within the armor pedestal's radius, the more powerful and relentless the Iron Guard becomes.

What is the area that is considered its "vicinity"? Because that's going to have huge implications on how workable this idea is. Five meters? Twenty meters? Five kilometers?

Does it activate even when someone dies of natural causes or accidents, or do they have to be killed by something else? If someone is poisoned by someone and dies within its vicinity but the poison is administered outside its vicinity, does it know who did it?

as well as set up possible conflicts between this SCP and another.

I….see this as just wanting to cross-link to other SCPs, which is hard to pull off well.

an entity taken in by the Foundation that is not inherently catastrophic to humanity, but instead somewhat, if not completely, beneficial to it.

How is this thing beneficial if all it does is kill? The Foundation's core is not "Shoot, Kill, Burn" it is "Secure, Contain, Protect". They have rarely actively attempted to neutralize anomalies completely. They want to study them. Destroying them is much more something the Chaos Insurgency or Global Occult Coalition would do.

human lives are taken frequently by SCP's

Mostly D-Class and The Foundation does not care about their deaths being avenged. They are justified losses because the work they do requires that level of risk.

having an SCP that responds to and combats this directly fits both of my desired narratives; something that can help or avenge humanity to a degree

The Foundation is not The Avengers. They are mostly a scientific group. They want to understand anomalies, not punish them for taking lives. Their containment is not a punishment, it is part of protecting society as a whole from their effects and the knowledge that things like this exist.

On top of that...

What you have currently is the "thing that does a thing" or "X that does Y" concept. An SCP article is much more than simply an anomalous item, being, place, or event. The true meat of the SCP is the story around the anomalous thing. The thing itself is a vehicle that the narrative is attached to. To give my best example from Series 1, look at SCP 093: The anomalous item itself is a rock that turns mirrors into interdimensional portals. The thing that makes this SCP shine is the story; the history of the dimension that it leads to.

I recommend reading several items on the Guide Hub:

How to Write an SCP

Clinical Tone: Declassified

Things What Do a Thing: An Essay On Anomalies That Are Things That Do A Thing

Essay Regarding SCPs, Narratives, and How They Can Share a Page

There are other guides there that can be very helpful, but these are some of the most often recommended for first-time contributors.

General Notes

We need to know more than just "it's a suit of armor that avenges people that are killed." What story are you going to tell - How The Foundation found it, Who or what created it and why, did someone use it to some end? (These are not all questions that must be answered, these are some possible narrative hooks.) You need something that differentiates this as an SCP, instead of just an Anomalous Item.

I also recommend reading a significant amount of the top-rated SCPs from the last several months, and focus on reading more recent SCPs rather than older series. Many early series SCPs would not last a day under current SCP standards, and a few are only still around because of their history with the wiki itself. (This does not apply to all early series SCPs, but many of these were written before the wiki's style had really been cemented.)

The anomalous object, while important, is not actually the main focus of the SCP. A good story, a compelling narrative, something that makes the reader feel something - that is the goal of an SCP article. What feeling do you want to evoke from the reader? Horror? Empathy? Sadness? You need to create a narrative around this object and its effects.

I am not saying this to discourage you, I just want you to understand the amount of effort that goes into creating a successful SCP.

If you can revise this idea with a story that you want to tell, we will be able to give you much more meaningful and constructive critique.

The anomalous item is the vehicle, the narrative is the person driving, the readers are the passengers. You can have the shiniest, most polished, most interesting vehicle in the world, but without the driver, the passengers aren't going anywhere. Where is the narrative taking the readers, and how is it getting them there?

Last edited on 02 Jan 2020 22:52 by Doctor Fullham Show more

Re: The Iron Guard (Concept)

Gabriel Wright 03 Jan 2020 00:21

This is all rather wonderful. Most if not all of my concerns were addressed, mainly how this sort of entity would fit into the Foundation and its core motives, and depending, work out a story and direction from there. Currently, and rather sensibly, it would be of no real benefit to an organization based on research and preservation; something I very clearly overlooked but needed to know. With all this in mind, I very firmly believe I can take this critique to heart, and begin making my hollow character, in a literal and figurative sense, a bit less hollow.

I could certainly address the immediate questions posed to this SCP, mainly in the form of a more in-depth analysis of its abilities and such, however, in hindsight, I believe I may revise its quirks to fit a deeper story past, essentially, "it's a killing machine."

Again, this is amazing feedback. And I believe it's really gotten my cogs turning in the right direction.

Would here be the appropriate place to answer the posed questions for additional feedback? Or would PM's be a better place? Or, is further discussion necessary?

Re: The Iron Guard (Concept)

Doctor Fullham 03 Jan 2020 00:31

You can answer the questions here or revise your original post to reflect any changes you've made.