religious humanoid beast

Summary:

an scp idea of an more creepy creature

religious humanoid beast

Shakruul 30 Dec 2019 09:48

A beast from an abandoned church next to a graveyard with unknown origin which only seeks prey in people with no belief in any monotheistical god. Dark greyish skin tone boney wings(cant fly) 2 long claws instead of hands no facial features but 2 black bland eyes it can only see white-black a vertical mouth on its torso with long teeth standing out overlapping on its torso needs to be fed skulls of humans needs religious visits can summon another better copy of itself with enough blood

Id like some feedback and if i can improve it in a way or remove specific parts. Also would like to know if there exists a similiar scp already

Last edited on 30 Dec 2019 09:52 by Shakruul Show more

Re: religious humanoid beast

qntm 30 Dec 2019 14:04

Unfortunately this pitch is very little more than a generic D&D monster manual monster. Even the Foundation's containment protocols — which you omitted — aren't likely to be very interesting. An SCP entry needs a lot more depth than this.

Re: religious humanoid beast

Shakruul 30 Dec 2019 14:32

Yea i know but i like that idea i already made a sandbox with more details ill link it if your interested here:
http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/shakruul

it got more containment protocols and i think of an addendum because of it being able to copy itself and more need to contain since these clones are amplified being able to rip those metal doors apart and are lots better in combat and more hostile than the original scp if you think its still not that interesting id like your opinion on how i could improve it or maybe even change the core part a bit to a ability that lets that beast have another dimension behind every glass pane where it can travel from any coloured (religious) glass pane to any other one

Re: religious humanoid beast

Doctor Fullham 30 Dec 2019 15:22

Immediate reaction

it can only see white-black

How does The Foundation know that? Have they tested its vision?

needs to be fed skulls of humans needs religious visits can summon another better copy of itself with enough blood

It needs to eat human skulls….but it can summon a copy of itself with enough blood? Skulls or blood? Which one is it? What do you mean "needs religious visits"? Why is the copy better than the original? Usually it's the other way around.

This thing just sounds like a generic spooky gargoyle monster with no real narrative attached. The SCP Wiki is not a Monster Manual.

Aside from those issues, what you have currently is the "Superpowered humanoid" or "X-Man" concept. An SCP article is much more than simply an anomalous item, being, place, or event. The true meat of the SCP is the story around the anomalous thing. The thing itself is a vehicle that the narrative is attached to. To give my best example from Series 1, look at SCP 093: The anomalous item itself is a rock that turns mirrors into interdimensional portals. The thing that makes this SCP shine is the story; the history of the dimension that it leads to.

I recommend reading several items on the Guide Hub:

How to Write an SCP

Clinical Tone: Declassified

Things What Do a Thing: An Essay On Anomalies That Are Things That Do A Thing

Essay Regarding SCPs, Narratives, and How They Can Share a Page

There are other guides there that can be very helpful, but these are some of the most often recommended for first-time contributors.

As you are pitching a humanoid SCP idea, I also recommend reading So You Want To Write A Humanoid SCP Object to assist in avoiding the "X-Men problem."

General Notes

We need to know more than just "it's a being that attacks people who don't believe in god." What story are you going to tell - How The Foundation found it, Who or what created it and why, did someone use it to some end, does it have its own goals? (These are not all questions that must be answered, these are some possible narrative hooks.)

I also recommend reading several (at least 10-20) of the top-rated SCPs from the last several months, and avoid reading series 1 SCPs for inspiration. Many series 1 SCPs would not last a day under current SCP standards, and a few are only still around because of their history with the wiki itself. (This does not apply to all series 1 SCPs, as you can see I mentioned 093 earlier, but many of these were written before the wiki's style had really been cemented.)

The anomalous entity, while important, is not actually the main focus of the SCP. A good story, a compelling narrative, something that makes the reader feel something - that is the goal of an SCP article. What feeling do you want to evoke from the reader? Horror? Empathy? Sadness? You need to create a narrative around this object and its effects.

I am not saying this to discourage you, I just want you to understand the amount of effort that goes into creating a successful SCP.

If you can revise this idea with a story that you want to tell, we will be able to give you much more meaningful and constructive critique.

The anomalous being is the vehicle, the narrative is the person driving, the readers are the passengers. You can have the shiniest, most polished, most interesting vehicle in the world, but without the driver, the passengers aren't going anywhere. Where is the narrative taking the readers, and how is it getting them there?

Re: religious humanoid beast

Shakruul 30 Dec 2019 15:48

The foundation found out he can see black white through the first finding of it after mtf captured it in the church and bringing out to daylight made it attack parts of the unit assigned to capture it

Whole skulls are needed for its digestion and blood is used for rituals drawn on the floor summoning an enhanced version of itself to achieve slowly the best being that is hostile although

i have some more narrative i just published the bare idea and wanted to know what you think about the idea im aware of the foundation not being a monster manual and the need of a story

Ive already read some of the guides you mentioned but still not writing the whole scp now as im awaiting some criticism towards the general idea which i till now got that its a bit too generic monster

now to the point you need to know more about why it exist ive already mentioned its just an idea and im aware i need to flesh it out. The origin is from a cult of unknown origin which have used blood of several people for a being superior to them the cultists are believed to be monotheistical

my goal is to inflict horror im aware of the amount of effort that i need to put in and thats why i were here i thank you for all the advice and if you want to see more background things i already thought about heres a link to my sandbox http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/shakruul

Re: religious humanoid beast

Doctor Fullham 30 Dec 2019 16:00

The foundation found out he can see black white through the first finding of it after mtf captured it in the church and bringing out to daylight made it attack parts of the unit assigned to capture it

In what way does that show it sees only black and white?

i have some more narrative i just published the bare idea and wanted to know what you think about the idea im aware of the foundation not being a monster manual and the need of a story

Okay, what is the narrative? We need a short description of the anomaly and the narrative you want to attach to it. The full details of the thing and what it can do are not all that we need. Just telling use you have a narrative doesn't give us any more information to work with. If you can't give a short synopsis of the anomaly and the narrative together, then the whole thing might be too complicated and need to be trimmed down a bit.

Also, not to sound rude, but can I ask your age, level of education, and if English is your first language? I am seeing that basically every sentence lacks any capitalization or punctuation, which generally makes it hard to read. Most successful SCP authors have at least some college-level writing experience, as the clinical tone of an SCP article can be really difficult to nail down properly.

Re: religious humanoid beast

Shakruul 30 Dec 2019 16:08

Sorry for the bad punctuation and use of English, im not so used to write very formal on my desktop instead of on paper. My first language is German i am 17 right now and my level of education is the highest I could possibly have right now, soon being able to study. I haven't started using the clinical tone at this moment but I‘m not fully complete with my SCP either. If you recommend me not trying to write an article I will listen to your advice and let it be since a high level of skill is required. I hope you checked out my sandbox, since I thought I wasn’t supposed to post there the full description of everything if I am correct about posting an idea of an SCP. If I am incorrect about not posting the whole SCP here please tell me. Thanks in advance for all the help and support you are giving me and I appreciate your help. Here is another link to the Sandbox where there is more maybe i should already start writing in an more advanced style, but I personally prefer writing in Notes and short sentences, if it is just for the information's sake.

I've just read the narrative page you've sent me. I think I want to go for the Self-Insertion Method or an Incident Log Method to which Im close

Last edited on 30 Dec 2019 16:17 by Shakruul Show more