The judging sword [request for greenlights]

Summary:

can recognize and punish murderers based on its old ethics

The judging sword [request for greenlights]

atome365 12 Dec 2019 08:35

a sword made around the 17th century which can recognize and punish murderers based on its old ethics.

I trimmed your thread summary above, since it was taking up a lot of space on the forum listing. Try to keep thread descriptions and titles under 7 lines so you don't visually crowd out other people's threads. ~Zyn

Description: SCP-XXXX is a long sword made of steel with a flat edge forged around the 17th century. Commonly known as the “sword of justice”, this kind of ceremonial sword was used to signify a monarch's supreme judicial power, but it was also used as a tool of execution.

SCP-XXXX doesnt present any physical anomalies, its weight and length are conform to identical swords from the same time period and its chemical properties correspond with normal steel.

But whenever a subject directly responsible for manslaughter and/or premeditated murder comes within a distance of 5 meters from SCP-XXXX, their head will fall, separated from their body by an unknown process. A clear cut compatible with the sword can be found on the body and the severed head, but no inertia is recorded from the body or the head when the separation occurs.

Further analysis revealed traces of rust in the wound; but testing revealed that the sword never physically reach the victim.

It has been theorised that SCP-XXXX possesses a basic level of consciousness as well as low level mind reading abilities to determine the crimes of the subject as well as its state of mind.

[SCP-XXXX also possesses low cognitohazard abilities on certain people, see addendum XXXX]

SCP-XXXX doesnt seem to react to species other than humans.

Last edited on 13 Dec 2019 06:47 by Zyn Show more

Re: The judging sword [request for greenlights]

Doctor Fullham 13 Dec 2019 21:16

So, what you have currently is the "thing that does a thing" or "X that does Y" concept. An SCP article is much more than simply an anomalous item, being, place, or event. The true meat of the SCP is the story around the anomalous thing. The thing itself is a vehicle that the narrative is attached to. To give my best example from Series 1, look at SCP 093: The anomalous item itself is a rock that turns mirrors into interdimensional portals. The thing that makes this SCP shine is the story; the history of the dimension that it leads to.

I recommend reading several items on the Guide Hub:

How to Write an SCP

Clinical Tone: Declassified

Things What Do a Thing: An Essay On Anomalies That Are Things That Do A Thing

There are other guides there that can be very helpful, but these three are some of the most often recommended for first-time contributors.

We need to know more than just "it's a sword that kills people that have killed people." What story are you going to tell - How The Foundation found it, Who or what created it and why, did someone use it to some end? (These are not all questions that must be answered, these are some possible narrative hooks.)

I also recommend reading several (at least 10-20) of the top-rated SCPs from the last several months, and avoid reading series 1 SCPs for inspiration. Many series 1 SCPs would not last a day under current SCP standards, and a few are only still around because of their history with the wiki itself. (This does not apply to all series 1 SCPs, as you can see I mentioned 093 earlier, but many of these were written before the wiki's style had really been cemented.)

The object, while important, is not actually the main focus of the SCP. A good story, a compelling narrative, something that makes the reader feel something - that is the goal of an SCP article. What feeling do you want to evoke from the reader? Horror? Empathy? Sadness? You need to create a narrative around this object and its effects.

I am not saying this to discourage you, I just want you to understand the amount of effort that goes into creating a successful SCP.

If you can revise this idea with a story that you want to tell, we will be able to give you much more meaningful and constructive critique.

EDIT: I should add, one of our members is actually hosting a seminar this coming Monday (Dec 16, 6pm EST) on Narrative advice for beginners.

Last edited on 16 Dec 2019 15:26 by Doctor Fullham Show more

Re: The judging sword [request for greenlights]

RockTeethMothEyes 13 Dec 2019 04:58

Author, please speak plainly about your idea rather than posting an excerpt from a draft. I can pretty much glean what your idea is from this, but we're working with the base concept, and minute details can get in the way of that process sometimes.

That being said, there isn't much here that particularly interests me. "Item that judges" is an often tried thing and it doesn't really work out because it assumes an absolute moral character in a world of greys. It's inherently flawed. Even that aside, all that's done here is describing the item rather than describing the item's history. What are the circumstances of its discovery? What does the Foundation do with it? What happens when the Foundation interacts with it? What more is there? Because if this is it, I don't think it's going to get very far on the main list.

Last edited on 13 Dec 2019 11:51 by RockTeethMothEyes Show more

Re: The judging sword [request for greenlights]

atome365 13 Dec 2019 16:57

True, I thought I was just supposed to post a part of the description, but I disagree with the absolute moral character, It has its own perception of course its flawed, its up to people to decide if its good or bad, I have the whole draft with test logs and its origine, but I will simply try to elaborate here.

History: it was taken from an antique dealer in Northen Ireland after a passerby lost its head in front of the display case.

Testing: Kill for murderer/manslaughter/involuntary manslaughter (DUI), doesnt kill a lady who poisoned an hopital but didnt kill anyone. Doesnt kill a murderer who didn't know he murdered someone.

confinement: pre-breach a simple room 10x10x10 meters, post-breach: addition of a thick steel case.

Re: The judging sword [request for greenlights]

Divergence_Z 13 Dec 2019 22:44

An object that punishes the guilty. Okay.

As a reader what am I supposed to find different or unique about this SCP?

It's a Sword of the Just. I know I played a few video games with this thing in it and read a few scifi stories about a flaming sword/ sword of light that decapitates the guilty…. This is a D&D Sword too, I think?

Yeah, i've encountered this concept a lot.

I'm not really interested in the test logs. It's a Sword of the Just, we need not go any further "we" know the criminal is guilty, enough said.

What makes your Sword interesting?
Was it forged from the bodies of 1000 angel corpses?
Does it send the criminals soul to some eldritch prison of horrors?

Last edited on 13 Dec 2019 22:51 by Divergence_Z Show more