SCP-XXXX is currently contained in a 4m x 4m x 4m containment cell fitted with an HVAC system in Site-15.
This is what I'm talking about. We're putting an HVAC system into a room with a deadly airborne infectious agent? Where is that circulating air going?!?
All surfaces in the cell are to be decontaminated with an ultraviolet wand after testing to deactivate instances of SCP-XXXX-1 in the cell.
Is this mentioned as being an effective way to destroy the XXXX-1 instances anywhere but here?
All tests are to be observed and recorded by staff researchers of Clearance Level 2, at minimum, from behind the observation mirror installed in one wall of SCP-XXXX's containment chamber.
And yet, level 2 researchers have absolutely no idea that what they're experimenting on is a far more infectious agent than this opening file indicates, since the real threat is hidden behind a level 5 clearance.
At least two guards must be present in the cell during testing. In the event that the subject(s) display(s) violent behavior, guards are authorized to use physical force to restrain the subject(s), and to terminate the subject(s) if they are unable to be restrained.
Let's just get rid of all the places where you have an (s). You can usually get away with it once, but using it over and over again makes me think you're trying to make a stylistic point, and that's not what happens here. "In the event that subjects display violent behavior…". We can figure out from there that the procedure doesn't change on the basis of only having one test subject.
After the subject(s) expire(s), any remains are to be immediately incinerated.
Again, is incineration shown to be effective anywhere in killing these bots?
SCP-XXXX appears to be a standard black Panasonic brand 5-speed floor fan.
Replace "appears to be" with "is." Unless we have reason to suspect this is an illusion, then it looks like a fan, it works like a fan, so it's a fan. It's just a weird fan.
SCP-XXXX-1 instances are structurally similar to that of man-made nanobots, except that the head resembles the shape of fan blades.
This is vague. I admit that while I'm a science guy, I'm not super-familiar with nanobots. However, I have to imagine that robots that small are likely built to do exactly whatever it is they're supposed to do, and probably don't have significant similarities across the board. So what does the nanobot look like? You might research the structure of viruses and infectious bacteria to get some ideas. Also, I don't think the nanobots need to have a "fan head" just because they come from a fan. Nanobots that are linked to the fan is enough, in my opinion.
When SCP-XXXX is connected to a power source and the fan motor is engaged, SCP-XXXX will activate. Upon activation, instances of SCP-XXXX-1 begin to travel in the direction that the fan is facing.
Do they purposefully move in that direction, or are they carried by air currents? That makes a huge difference, as fans typically circulate air, so if these things are riding the currents, they're going to go all over the room, not just in one direction like a laser beam.
The amount of SCP-XXXX-1 instances present on the fan blades does not appear to decrease, indicating that SCP-XXXX-1 can self-replicate, though this behavior has only been observed when SCP-XXXX-1 is in contact with SCP-XXXX's fan blades.
If the replication behavior has been observed, then there is no "indication" that X-1 can replicate. We know it can, because we observed it. Also, I'm a little torn on the use of "amount" over "number" here. Number refers to things that can be counted, while amount refers to something that cannot (amount of water, number of apples). While nanobots could easily be considered too small to count, using "instances" here makes it "amount of instances", while "number of instances" sounds better, even though the number of instances is probably too many to count. You can figure out which route you want to go.
Examination of an extracted sample of one of the fan blades has revealed that it is composed of a mixture of carbon, silicon and ███████
Do you know what's behind those black boxes? If not, I'd just say, "unidentified material" or something of the sort. If you do, you can just say so.
The infection progresses through three stages, as explained below
"…as explained in Experiment Log XXXX.1" or something.
The button labeled '3' was pressed
Is this relevant? I might just say, "the fan was powered on" or something to avoid making me think I need to remember this detail.
and increased rate of breathing, afterwhich they pleaded for 'forgiveness'.
While I kind of enjoy the word "afterwhich", there should be a space there.
Note that no other personnel except the guards were present in the room.
I kind of wonder why we even have guards in the room, to be honest. Individuals affected by X-1 inevitably die, so even if these D-class went beserk, they can just be locked in there until their heads fall off.
All subjects entered coughing fits more frequently.
Just going to address this once, but you use "all subjects" and "all three D-class" multiple times in these logs. You should consider just saying, "subjects" and moving on. Unless we have a reason to separate them out, we can assume that everyone being tested has the same reaction.
Their heads were subsequently decapitated by an unknown force (see Conclusion tab).
At this point, I'd just say, "Subjects experienced spontaneous decapitation (see conclusions)" or something like that. If we aren't ready to accuse anything in particular of the action, then it's more scientific to claim that an event simply happened until we know why it happened.
Interviewer: Senior Researcher Dr. ██████ ████
I'll say this now and apply it throughout: I'd remove as many of these black boxes as you can. There's no reason to hide a doctor's name here from other Foundation researchers that I can see. While none of the black boxes are necessarily problematic in how they're used (dates, names, etc), I can say from experiences that people will recoil anyway at the number of them that are used. The trend has been moving away from seeing a lot of black boxes and trying to keep them in the most stylistically-interesting places, so if you can feel comfortable giving us some date and names, go forth and give us dates and names.
Foreword: Dr. ██████ ████ and Junior Researcher ██ █████ observed for any change in behavior.
Even though you mentioned it in the test logs, I'd repeat here exactly how long after initial infection this interview takes place.
The interview below is one of many that have shown the first signs of SCP-XXXX-1's effects.
Unless there were a lot more test subjects than I know about, just say that this interview is the first that indicates X-1's psychological effects.
So, how are you all feeling at this moment in time? I meant physically, of course.
First off, I don't think a researcher investigating an infectious agent would necessarily want to limit the information to only physical symptoms; open-ended questions would probably be more common, with the questions getting narrower based on responses. Second, should I imagine that this researcher is sitting at a table with test subjects infected with a probably-dangerous infectious agent? Or is this through the window?
um, how do I put this in words…
I don't think it's difficult to put this into words. It's not a metaphysical infection.
What the fuck have you done to us doc, hm?
Obediently sitting when asked and sitting quietly while another test subject says he's feeling "mostly fine" makes this angry outburst feel a little delayed. I'm also a bit torn on the D-Class being told that he can see his son shortly before being sent to almost certain death; it feels like it violates the principle that the Foundation is cold, not cruel. Is this really the only way they can compel obedience in their D-class?
[One of the guards steps forward before Dr. ██████ ████ holds up his palm. The guard returns to his original post.]
Yeah, this seems to imply that that they're in the same room, which seems ludicrous if the doctor just walked in there. While the infection isn't confirmed to be as bad as we know it is until later, it seems crazy that the Foundation didn't even consider an abundance of caution when dealing with an airborne, deadly infectious vector.
D-2105: Well, I would say the same thing as these two Schweinhund2 had mentioned.
Dr. ██████ ████: That's… rather unexpected, D-2105. I thought-
[D-2105 chuckles.]
D-2105: You know me well, Herr Doktor. Well, even if I was a far-right nationalist, it doesn't mean I make very good freunde with all weiße Männer3.
[D-3490 glares at D-2105, and stands up.]
D-3490: Fuck you say to me, kraut4? You'd better shut that mouth of yours before-
I mean, I get that you're probably trying to make this dude less sympathetic, but this comes off as a little too on-the-nose to me without adding any real substance to the log.
Dr. ██████ ████: Sit. Down. Please.
[D-3490 grunts and sits down.]
Dr. ██████ ████: Alright, thank you, the three of you. We shall continue this conversation soon.
I wouldn't bold stuff as a formatting trick. Italics is as much as I typically can tolerate in a log transcription. Also, this doctor told them to sit down, then walked away from the interview. While there is something to be said for characterization, I'm not sure that the characterization here is really lending itself to your story.
No other abnormal events transpired.
I mean, that's not true, right? Things did get pretty abnormal in the next log.
All three subjects began to requested for food.
Dr. ██████ ████: I apologize for interrupting your meal, but I must ask, how is it that all of you requested for food at around the same time?
It doesn't seem that strange to me for people to get hungry around the same time. We call this "breakfast", "lunch", and "dinner", right?
[D-2945 and D-2105 shrug. D-3490 does not reply, and continues eating.]
I feel it might be worth noting what food they were provided. If their heads fell off after eating, the Foundation would want to record what it was that directly preceded that event.
He remains silent for a minute.
For a full minute? That's an awkwardly long time to ignore someone's question before answering.
T-they, they keep ordering me to-
Hm. I feel like if they were hearing voices so clearly as to casually mention it this way, they'd probably have reported it, especially if the researchers were badgering them about their symptoms.
[D-3490 massages his throat.]
[D-3490 stares to the right of Dr. ██████ ████.]
Let's combine actions into a single italicized paragraph if it's all done by the same person.
D-3490: unintelligible
It reads as if he mutters the word "unintelligible."
D-2945: This establishment. An establishment that is dirtied with Sin.
Considering that this is a written transcript of spoken language, why would "sin" be capitalized?
Dr. ██████ ████ : …is this some kind of joke? If it is, I advise you drop it.
Yeah, I don't think if these guys had been under constant surveillance that they'd be accused of joking here. The Foundation has seen plenty of hive minds and has no reason to suspect these D-class of fucking with them.
D-2945: Watch.
D-2105: Your.
D-2945: Mouth.
As stated before, I wouldn't play with the formatting too much in transcribed logs. That implies that the transcribers were making this more dramatic.
to investigate the motive of SCP-XXXX-1, or named 'The Alpha'.
"or named 'the Alpha' doesn't seem to make sense with this sentence.
The blade begins to tear through the skin of D-2105's throat.]
At the time of this log, have we confirmed exactly what is the happening to these guys? If not, then we don't know that the blades are tearing at their throat.
D-2105: W-w-what's g-going on?! I-it huRTs. It-it hurts so… so MUCH.
Again, strange formatting for a transcription. Remember that this is supposed to represent some desk jockey listening to people talk and writing down what they say, not interpret it artistically.
[D-2105 collapses to the floor and starts to undergoes a seizure
Most times that you write "starts to", "begins to," "appears to," etc, it's stronger to just nail the verb in there and stop qualifying it. He begins seizing. He undergoes a seizure.
D-2945: D-doctor… P-please… p-please SAVE ME. I-I, the pain. G-god. Stop. S-STOP. I-I c-can't b-breathe. IT HURTS. P-PLEASE-
I honestly have a hard time believing that these guys can say anything if their throats are being shredded. Even poking a significant hole in the airway can prevent air from running over the voicebox and producing a useful sound, regardless of how hard they try.
[D-2945 runs to one of the guards. The guard readies his rifle. D-2945 holds the rifle to his throat, struggling to push the trigger.]
You're suggesting that a panicked, bloodied, infected guy was able to run over to an armed guard and take control of his rifle?
[The blade begins to tear through the skin of D-3490's throat.]
Until I read the next conclusion, I had no reason to suspect that a blade was actually involved here. I thought we were just dealing with nanobots. This might be a case where you broke the dramatic tension by revealing info without introducing it.
[D-3490 slams into the observation mirror multiple times until it shatters.
I highly doubt a mirror for a room containing an infectious agent would shatter because someone hits it hard enough.
gestures to the guard to lower his guard.]
I isolated this so you could see the issue. Also, since even the initial containment procedures state that out-of-control subjects should be terminated, then choosing not to terminate when containment has already been breached seems incompetent.
[Using the fragment, D-3490 proceeds to [DATA EXPUNGED] multiple times, before collapsing.]
Come on, we know what he did with the shattered piece of mirror. The Foundation wouldn't expunge that.
[Multiple gunshots are heard.]
Like, down the hall in an unrelated situation? Or the guards opened fire?
D-3490 committed suicide by [DATA EXPUNGED]. D-2105 committed suicide by strangulation before [DATA EXPUNGED] with his thumbs.
Again, the Foundation wouldn't expunge things just because it's violent. They dunk a god-lizard in acid every single day to keep it from regenerating. They aren't going to get grossed out enough here to warrant an expungement. Further, expunging means "delete forever and ever and ever." That should be rare; expunged information should be stuff that is not only not useful to know, but against policy for it to be in the record, period. Putting in "redacted" would be more appropriate for stuff that would be available for some people, but not all.
Researchers have hypothesized that instances of SCP-XXXX-1 extract iron ions (to be later converted to iron atoms) from hemoglobin molecules within the red blood cells to construct this fan.
Hm. So first off, there is no reason to differentiate iron atoms from iron ions.
Second, hemoglobin needs the iron to bond to oxygen. Without it, the erythrocytes stop working. This means that as the individual loses iron in their blood, they'd quickly be showing signs of anemia as oxygen can no longer be transported in the blood.
Third, there's roughly 3-4 grams of iron in an average human, and a dollar note weighs about 1 gram. The fan that is formed by this iron looks to be MUCH greater than four grams, which is a problem. I don't see how a fan like that could possibly be created from a measly 4 grams of iron, and that's assuming the individual miraculously survived having their brain deprived of all oxygen until that point.
A converter was discovered to be embedded on the walls of the host's stomach. Upon examination, the converter is constructed out of common metals, which is coated with an unidentified substance, possibly to withstand the high acidity of stomach acid. This is hypothesized to convert chemical energy derived from consumed food into electrical energy to power the fan in the larynx. How this conversion is possible remains unclear.
Same basic problems. Honestly, it would probably make more sense to just have the nanobots cut through the throat themselves under their own power. It would make the flesh look like it's dissolving rather than being dramatically destroyed by a manifested fan, but ultimately, I think it'll be tough to scientifically justify what's happening here without suggesting that this metal comes from nowhere.
Researchers have discovered that the cerebrum secreted a substance whose chemical composition matches that of ██████████, a hallucinatory agent. This is hypothesized to enable the host to see and hear 'The Alpha', or a humanoid representation of SCP-XXXX-1.
Again, I'm really not sure whether this ability to communicate is even worth exploring. It doesn't seem to go anywhere, it doesn't really suggest anything interesting, and even the nanobots don't seem to care much, as the hosts inevitably die anyway.
Constant visions of a 'dark humanoid figure'
This is the only time this has even been mentioned.
Patrolmen ███████ ██ ████ and █████ ███ (designated as P1 and P2 respectively for convenience)
As stated earlier, the black boxes here are messier than they need to be, and I think you'll get pushback. The Foundation has no reason to protect the anonymity of these officers from their own researchers.
decapitated bodies and SCP-XXXX, which was still powered on
The forensics team arrived in front of the slum, and after examination of the bodies, it was concluded that █ adults and █ children were confirmed dead.
First off, they don't need to examine the bodies to figure out that these decapitated bodies were dead. They found a number of dead bodies. Just say that. Also, I don't see a compelling reason to hide how many were dead.
██/██/20██: Patrolman ███████ ██ ████ (P1) was found decapitated in his home by other patrolmen in ████████ after noise complaints by neighbors.
This is also a prime example of too many black boxes. Why can't I know the date, or at least the year? Why are you continuing to name this guy only to redact it and refer to him as P1? I don't even know what the "in [redacted]" part is supposed to suggest.
Forensics were dispatched to the scene. Blood samples were extracted and transferred to the Forensics Department.
How about "Forensics teams were dispatched and returned blood samples for analysis"?
Embedded Foundation Agent █████ posed as the head of the forensics team alerts the Foundation.
This seems super convenient that a Foundation agent just happened to be the head of the forensics team. While the Foundation does have "unlimited" resources, stories can generally be made stronger by assuming that the Foundation still has to work a bit to make their influence significant, and that there isn't a person in every situation conveniently located in exactly the right spot at exactly the right time. It just makes the Foundation feel like an open secret.
██/██/20██: Autopsy reports reveal a fan-like object infused with the larynx. Under the instruction of the Foundation, Agent █████ (as head of forensics) and Agent ████████ (as head of evidence) designated SCP-XXXX as useless in aiding in investigations and ordered the transfer of SCP-XXXX to a junkyard in ███████.
So the agent finds a giant fan in someone's neck, and doesn't make the possible connection that the fan recovered from the scene is of any relevance? That sounds like normal-person logic, not the logic I'd expect a Foundation agent to use.
Police General ███████ ███ has been bribed to close investigations and conclude this was an act by ISIS.
Nah. I don't have a problem with invoking ISIS per se, but if a number of people and children were stated to be the work of ISIS, it would be an international outrage, and almost certainly draw the attention of agencies that ask a lot of questions, including media, CIA, and other groups that would want to nail down exactly what happened. Just blame it on a crazy killer and throw a D-class who was already a convicted murderer under the bus. That'll get some attention, but unlikely to cause too many questions.
Site-15 was locked down and investigations drew a common conclusion that all deceased personnel were decapitated.
Again, just say they were found decapitated. It's not a huge mystery when you come upon a decapitated body that it's been decapitated.
All food trays within Site-15 were transferred to a junkyard in ███████.
Trays that potentially carried a self-replicating infectious agent were put into a junkyard? I'd assume incineration at the very least.
Despite the series of unfortunate events that have occurred recently, this has made us realize that SCP-XXXX was more of a danger than we thought it was.
This doesn't make much sense. "Despite" would imply that it wasn't as much of a danger. Perhaps you mean "due." Also, again, I just have a hard time believing that when encountering an infectious agent, that the Foundation wouldn't choose to err on the side of caution. I know that if I were working with the Foundation and was assigned something unknown that might be infectious, I'd assume the worst until I had a reason not to.
We are considering the possibility that SCP-XXXX-1 can be spread by physical touch.
See, if it could be spread by the air from a fan, it really doesn't matter if touch is involved. It's airborne. That's worse.
MTF EPSILON-6 ["Village Idiots"] is tasked to organize a mass incineration program of rural residences owned by infected.
Again, have we confirmed that incineration works on these nanobots? The Foundation already seems to have screwed up in assuming something that wasn't true here. I've seen incineration and UV lights suggested as a possible means of cleansing things of X-1, but I don't see where that was proven.
Deaths related to SCP-XXXX-1 are to be publicized as a result of a flawed drug manufactured by ███████.
Assuming that the pharmaceutical company doesn't fight that, I'm assuming? Telling the public that people are dying from a drug would be international news, and the company's survival would depend on contesting that fact.
Decommissioning is to be publicized as a response to safety concerns regarding low structural integrity of the building. A quarantine zone of 250m radius is to be established, with Foundation QRFs posed as law enforcement officers.
With the quarantine and such, I think it'd be a thousand times easier just to blame everything on a non-anomalous plague. Quarantining 250m radius around a building with bad infrastructure would raise questions.
After Incident-θ, it has come to the attention of the Foundation that SCP-XXXX-1 is currently UNCONTAINED. It is estimated that SCP-XXXX-1 would have reached nearly every major city in the world by now. We thought we were able to contain this. Look at the world now. I believe BLACK SALVATION PROTOCOL will provide the most effective solution, or at least, maintenance of the Veil. I acknowledge the questionable ethical standards regarding this procedure, but I believe, we have run out of choices.
For what it's worth, there's nothing in I-0 that suggests the stuff left Site 15. I can't say that I'm too crazy about the idea that this even did escape containment; it just seems like the Foundation made mistake after mistake after mistake in order for this to happen, and I try to lean toward the Foundation as being competent and experienced in dealing with anomalies. In this whole narrative, they don't seem to do a better job than any disease control organization would have done. It's like they never considered that this might be anomalous or extremely infectious.
We are talking about governments here. What guarantees are in place that they will not lift the Veil? This will jeopardize the uncompromised state of the Foundation. I am not taking any risks of this issue leaking out to the world. The last problem we have on our hands is global fiasco. - O5-1
Well, first off, they're already in the middle of a global fiasco, assuming that most of the world is infected and requiring whatever "Black Salvation" is. If they have a chance to stop anything from happening, I honestly think they'd find a way to commence a manhunt; it's not really that unusual, and the Foundation would probably be able to manage it. Also, the Foundation is, at least in common canons, known to exist by and actively cooperating with many governments. That's how they get their resources, the idea being that everyone recognizes the threats of the anomalous and is willing to pitch in to help, whether with resources, land for bases, etc.
O5-3 Proposal: OPERATION HELLFIRE
This page link is broken. It links to an edit request on the page. Probably won't carry over to the mainsite, but it's worth looking at.
Further, I don't really understand what the point of this is. We have enough mystery with the Black Salvation protocol.
(account deleted) 05 Dec 2019 00:06
