to establish a restricted perimeter around SCP-XXXX, including exposed sidewalks, playgrounds, and especially highly populated areas.
I'm really not sure what you mean by the "including" here: like, are these things that are being restricted from being within SCP-XXXX? or like, things which are within SCP-XXXX currently and are being forced into disuse? I don't really know what to suggest changing here because I'm not sure what you mean
In case of an accidental civilian breach
Is the restricted perimeter not stopping accidental breaches? I assumed you meant like, fencing an area off and saying "don't go in"?
are to detained immediately and be administered with Class-D amnestics.
"are to be detained immediately and then given Class-D amnestics."
The immediately feels off too, perhaps dropping it or replacing it with "as soon as possible"?
Humans entering within three to five meters of SCP-XXXX will have the compulsion to traverse it.
I strongly recommend coming up with a good reason for people to enter SCP-XXXX. Later on, you suggest there's voices coming from SCP-XXXX at specific moments: you could use them here to e.g, lure people in thinking someone is in distress or a child is lost or something.
The walking speed varies between subjects but has been observed to be influenced by body weight, overall health condition, and protective attire.
…I would only talk about the walking speed of people within SCP-XXXX if it's not their usual speed (or at least, specifically just say e.g, "People traverse the footpaths at their usual walking speed").
No unusual topological characteristics were detected on SCP-XXXX that may be causing this effect.
…What effect? People walking through it?? If you mean the speed people move at is anomalous and not their usual speed, I'd explicitly say that instead of the waffley previous sentence
After an indefinite amount of time
I'd put some bounds on this: is it like, three hours, two days, 10 seconds? Like I don't mean say "After 2-5 minutes" necessarily but something like "After a few minutes" or "Within 3 hours" or something works better.
gunshot wounds, second to third-degree burns, lacerations, and other forms of injuries will appear
this phrasing implies all of these appear simultaneously after an uncertain period of time. I recommend using "begin" before appear to get around this if it's unintentional.
before expiring or becoming incapacitated
lead with incapacitation; "expiring" isn't a great euphemism for death here either imo.
explosion marks can appear
may, not can imo
All subjects expired
I'd say "Both" since there's only two
after 12 meters
I'd specify "traversing 12 meters into SCP-XXXX" here for clarity
Approximately three minutes after the expiration of the subjects, on-site personnel again reported having heard a human-like voice shouting "upgrade" on seven consecutive occasions
This is the first report of this so drop the again.
After approximately nine minutes, on-site personnel reported having heard again a human-like voice shouting "build successful" on one occasion
It's not clear exactly what this is after: leaving the SCP is implied by the previous test but I'd be more explicit
Multiple (13)
Thirteen
plus survivors
"plus the survivors"; or "plus the five surviving D-Class from the previous test"
in the foot area
I think you want to say something like "in their feet" here unless there's an area of the SCP that's the foot area.
