This is my first -J and that probably shows, but I had fun writing this. It's a bad joke and that's why I love it. Also kind of, in a way, a Shaggy Dog piece.
Thanks for cows for being really neat.
Please consider reducing your red-meat intake in your diet for the benefit of both animals and the environment. I personally trimmed back to maybe one day a week and it's been a net improvement to my quality of life, and I feel good about it morally. Do research and decide for yourself!
EDIT 12/6/2020: I made the GOC guy a Chav. Sorry not sorry.