By putting the discovery and history of SCP-2931 before the actual effects, you leave me confused and sap my interest in the article, and I start to not care about the article, especially since it goes on for quite a while. -1
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I am not sure what is going on here. Andrea appears and then starts existing until the next Andrea appears and then she will freak out? Why doesn't this happen every night? Wouldn't the roommate have noticed the screaming? Was somebody just routinely killing Andreas and burying them at the school every day for over a year? How did this happen with nobody noticing?
Sorry if it's confusing. To answer your questions:
Andrea generates in the bed every night, lives her life for a day, then gets murdered by person or persons unknown in the evening, every evening. Presumably the murderer is someone with constant access to the mass-grave building and the means to conceal the fact that they're dumping so many bodies. It could also be the person or group that made the bed.
She only screams bloody murder when she meets a copy of herself- the roommate never noticed it because the copies never came into contact when she was around. Each one was murdered before it could meet any of the others.
I think maybe this fails to suspend my disbelief that someone could murder a student a day at a major University and not get caught. Not sure.
On the other hand, what evidence existed prior to discovery of the mass grave that any such thing was happening? No one was missing, after all…
Killing someone a day for 400 days on campus and burying them on campus and there's never any witnesses? I have trouble finding a quiet place to study most days.
This one really isn't doing anything for me. The last paragraph was an interesting twist, but I wasn't invested enough to care. As Decibelle mentioned above, it was hard to read through as well. There was too much extraneous description of 2931-2-A, and probably could have been stopped after height, gender, and hair. I'm also quite confused about how the Foundation discovered this. Ignoring the awkward coincidence of the first girl's mom being a Foundation employee, why would anyone think this so serious to investigate? People would probably assume she was just part of something that would prevent her from returning until late. Why not just ASK her about what was going on, rather than call in the Foundation? Obviously, later on with surveillance it is discovered she comes out of the mattress, but I honestly don't think anyone would reach an anomalous conclusion.
There's too much awkward writing, coincidences, conclusion jumping, and missing info to make me upvote, so it's unfortunately a -1
EDIT: sirpudding pretty much summed up the rest of my complaints. I heartily agree.
This is a very old school, Series I-style article, which normally doesn't interest me. I was ready to downvote right until I hit that final paragraph. Well done. +1
I don't think this needs any of the recovery information you put above the description of the actual effects. I don't care about any of it, and it doesn't help the article.
Get rid of that and you have an upvote.
if your reading this your gay
It took a bit, but by the end, this is really cool. Thinking about having an imaginary roommate, moving on to multiple copies of said roommate starts to get creepy, and then the final paragraph nails it. I didn't even consider what the implications were of the grave, but the explanation is even better than anything I would have come up with. My only suggestion is to turn "she" to "it" when talking about -A. +1
EDIT: Trimmed down the discovery info a bit. I still left a small amount of it in, because I want to play off of the fear that "your roommate's weird habits are weirder than you think", but I agree that, in general, it was detracting from the main story.
I feel like this one is… kind of flat. You have an interesting idea, but I feel like you never really do anything with it. No vote for now, because it's an interesting framework, but it needs help to get where it should be.
I like the basic premise and the setting of the hook at the end is satisfying. That said, there could be some reorganization of the information to draw the reader in more thoroughly before setting that hook. As others have mentioned, diverting to the discovery so early veers off into Yawnsville. It could possibly even be completely removed and just let the items themselves stand on their own. For the most part, unless how the item came into the Foundation's custody is central to the story of the scip, it can be glossed, hand-waved or outright ignored.
Shades of Copy of A. The suggestions and implications are terrifying, to be honest. I think I'd want to know more about who 2A knows.
+1
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page revision: 1, last edited: 25 Feb 2021 03:57
