SCP-2124 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2124.

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A first attempt

manwhat 24 Apr 2015 13:57

My first ever SCP, after being a reader for a long, long time.
Thanks to users sinchu9, minmin and RagnaOlir and a few others for their reviews of "It looks done", "nice and simple", "I like it, it's weird without trying to be creepy" and "it's different enough from the other pizza box".

Hopefully this won't be my last.

edit: username correction

edit2: If you see a grammar or stylistic issue, PLEASE edit it yourself, by all means! You have my blessing, go nuts!

Last edited on 24 Apr 2015 15:23 by manwhat Show more

RJB_R 24 Apr 2015 14:08

I thought that, while the idea was interesting, the execution needs work. You do stuff like mentioning the -1 before you explain what it is. Then in the test log, you just start calling it the knife. You really lost me at the second test, which is a big wall of text and made me lose interest in the article. There's a lot of potential here, but I don't think its been realized in this particular iteration.

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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!

Patrick Whelan 24 Apr 2015 14:16

I had the same qualms as you but the last log saved it for me, and secured a +1. This article could be improved with a little trimming and another pass through for consistency, but I thought the idea was pretty good and the ending made it significantly better.

manwhat 24 Apr 2015 14:18

Mentioning the -1 early was intentional and I hoped it would become evident through context before it really got explained, for the same reason that I mention test 09 long before it pops up - because it's important to the article, and is worth getting to the end for.

There's a reason I call it 'the knife' during test logs, and that's because it's paraphrasing what the D-Class are told. They're not told to pick up SCP-2124-1, they're told to pick up a knife.

trennerdios 24 Apr 2015 14:09

You. You lurked moar.

It's always nice when someone's first submission shows that they took the time to understand what makes an article successful, and followed the guides properly. This was a simple concept, well executed. It's nothing super spectacular, but it kept me interested, and left me wanting a bit more, in a good way.

Sinchu9 24 Apr 2015 14:16

It is interesting, and isn't scary either. Just weird, which I like, as many new users try to make scary scp's and are usually unsuccessful.
Saying that, it seems to be lacking something, dunno what, so don't ask.
No vote for now

MrWrong 24 Apr 2015 14:17

Brief run-through:

+ show block

consistent with an anomalously sharp kitchen knife

The question is: What constitutes an "anomalously sharp kitchen knife"? Your elaboration of it seems like a stronger version of a knife (that could cut through steel). It might do well to have a clearer (and empirically defined) description of the knife's sharpness.

On that note, what would an invisible kitchen knife need to be so sharp?

Researcher Clarent's work obligations - as tested by Clarent by swinging at the air around her, saying "It was worth a try."

Is this really necessary? It's borderline unprofessional behaviour and there is no indication that 2124-1 can "cut" through abstract concepts (That could be a cool concept to work with though).

Even so, how would cutting the air around oneself cut an abstract concept tied to oneself? It is slightly more logically to be cutting yourself or your brain or something… but I digress.

Pros:

• Admittedly, this is the first time I see an imaginary knife drawn from a pizza box as though it were a sheath.

Cons:

• The "how it was found" story felt way too convenient. Unless I am mistaken, a researcher's friend just messaged him that he found a potential SCP by chance. This implies unprofessionalism on part of the researcher (a major security compromise) and a level of coincidence that is jarring to believe in. A stronger origin may have been a random civilian accidentally using the SCP. While relatively mundane (and even cliche), it is easier to believe than a researcher's friend calling him about a possible anomalous item.
• In the main bulk of the article, you never explicitly explained what SCP-2124 is exactly. I can infer that it is an invisible knife, but it took a while to realise that. It might do well to state SCP-2124-1's existence and what it is, before jumping to casually talking about it and its properties.

Last edited on 24 Apr 2015 14:20 by MrWrong Show more

manwhat 24 Apr 2015 14:22

SCP-2124 is the pizzabox - because there's not a good way to contain the knives, and they do seem to be connected somehow to the box.

The how-it-was found is meant to be convenient, and I thought about it for a while before deciding I couldn't think of a better way short of having a researcher find it themself. I wanted to imply that there could be hundreds of simple unknown things out there, just locked away in attics. But a better job could've been done, I'm sure.

As for Clarent's behaviour - I could have maybe done that better. I wanted to make it very clear that whatever properties SCP-2124-1 had, it definitely wasn't metaphysical beyond its… existence, for lack of a better word.

Communism will win 24 Apr 2015 14:32

The paragraphs are all in the wrong order. You don't get to describing the anomalous properties until you've seemingly done everything else there is to do in the Description.

Here's how I would order them:

Description: SCP-2124 is a large-sized pizza box,…
All components of SCP-2124, including the ink…
A human being attempting to consciously…
[the bullets]
SCP-2124-1 has no detectable weight or measurable presence, …
Exact dimensions and properties of instances of…
The interior of SCP-2124 appears to be empty…

And the two paragraphs I didn't mention aren't necessary at all.

I've also edited the first few paragraphs and testing logs to add paragraph spacing to them, since consecutive paragraphs should almost always have a blank space in between them if there's any possibility they could be confused for one paragraph.

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if your reading this your gay

Last edited on 24 Apr 2015 14:38 by Communism will win Show more

manwhat 24 Apr 2015 14:51

Upon staring at it for a while, I agree and have reordered the paragraphs and removed the cruft. Re-reading those paragraphs in that order makes it a lot more amusing and interesting.

Also took the opportunity to remove the phrase 'anomalously sharp' from the article. Cutting things like a normal sharp kitchen knife will do - it still cuts through things that a normal knife can't.

GhostActual 24 Apr 2015 14:38

Man, I wish someone would make a knife sharp enough to cut through work obligations.

VAElynx 24 Apr 2015 14:39

I hear ya there. Upvoting, mainly because of that line.

acc1177 24 Apr 2015 15:19

The description says "CAREFUL! INVISIBLE KNIFE INSIDE BOX", but the image shows "CAREFUL! INVISIBLE KNIFE IN BOX". Just a small nitpick :) I'd change this. Otherwise, I'm not sure about this article, so no vote. It's definitely got the setup for something interesting, but I lose interest by the second test log.

Daily-SCP 24 Apr 2015 15:33

I love the implications of that last test. +1

Edit: I read Deci's comment, and I agree fully. You need to hint at something with redactions. My vote is still +1 though.

Last edited on 24 Apr 2015 19:02 by Daily-SCP Show more

Metaphysician 24 Apr 2015 15:55

I'm going to neutral vote this *but* I'd say, for your first SCP, this is pretty good and good enough, I feel, to survive on the site. So far, looks to be doing that.

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