It's really the last thing that you need to see.
Author's Note: This is a slightly fictionalized account of the mega-troll that occurred on Site-19. In order to get my point through, I removed a LOT of the extraneous matter from the chat, and kept the best parts. I also changed the name of the person we trolled. Other than that, however, everything that occurred here happened. With the possible exception of the end. For a better account, please see the excellent Tale also based on this, WalterG.
The anticipation was killing him.
He sat at his computer, twitching with impatience, knowing that everything he had known was about to be proven true. He booted up the chat program, triple-checked his clock, and typed in some information. He sat back and waited, giddy with excitement, as the screen flashed a few times, before finally displaying those long sought-after words:
"Welcome to the SCP Foundation. Please input your username."
Hands shaking with glee, he inputted a pseudonym. Then, the moment he had been waiting for so many years for finally occurred. He was into the Foundation's messaging system. He sat back, watching with glee as requests, messages, and orders whirled through the chat at breakneck speed.
EngineerXiao> Hello? Who is this?
The man leaned forward. "Oh god, he thought, I've been noticed."
AgentHirakawa> This is Agent Hirakawa.
EngineerXiao> I'm sorry, could you repeat your name?
AgentHirakawa> Agent Hirakawa
EngineerXiao> The only Agent Hirakawa we have listed died 6 months ago in a 682 breach. Who are you.
AgentHirakawa> All right! You've got me! I swear, I just wanted proof!
ResearcherVoct> Proof of what. Somebody get a lock on this guy's location, ASAP
AgentHirakawa> No! Listen! My father worked for you people!
DrShaRose> If your father was following protocol, you would not know of his work at all.
AgentHirakawa> No! I just needed to know! You exist! I have proof! He told me!
ResearcherVoct> …what did Tom tell you.
AgentHirakawa> Well, my father was in the field of transporting your most powerful objects. I know for a fact he was present at the transport of the creature you have listed in your "mock web site" as SCP-684.
ResearcherVoct> He didn't mention old Phonehead, did he?
DrQuence> Oh Phonehead was a sweetheart, really.
DoctorS> I think we've heard enough. Does anyone have a lock on this guy's location yet?
AgentHirakawa> No! Wait! I have more!
EngineerXiao> …wait, you were the person whose IP I caught snooping around on my servers a while back?
AgentHirakawa> Maybe! It was a while ago!
DrShaRose> If your father WAS transporting Foundation objects, he would not be aware of their code names.
DrStone> Also, I don't recall of any instance of 684 being transported. It's far too massive, and last I checked, still on the floor of the Indian Ocean.
EngineerXiao> I am not threatening you, but it is an area of concern.
AgentHirakawa> Yes he did. In fact he gave me a file with a lot of valuable information that, if it were to get out, would be very dangerous. That's why I have wired my home system with a deadman switch. if anything happens to me, it all goes public.
DrS> AgentHirakawa: Heh. I don't think you understand your position, boy.
AgentHirakawa> Oh, it absolutely would. Does the word Tetramire mean anything to you?
EngineerXiao> SHUT UP EVERYONE! THERE'S A FUCKING SECURITY BREACH!
Dr_Smascher> You'll make this easier on yourself if you just sit there and wait, sir.
AgentGatsby> WHICH SITE?
DrS> We need an MTF over to this guy's location. Security breach.
AgentHirakawa> You can't touch me. I will go public with the Tetramire incident. The whole thing. I have the file.
DoctorStone> That kind of threat is meaningless to an organization like this. I think if your data were accurate it would reflect this.
EngineerXiao> MTF Gamma-5 is en route to your terminal location, sir. Please do not attempt to leave your home.
DoctorStone> Can we get Task Force Iota-7 over to AgentHirakawa's house?
ResearcherVoct>I think you underestimate our ability to generate disinformation. You seriously think we don't already have alibis for Tetramire?
AgentHirakawa> Your threats are meaningless to me. DoctorStone: I'm not at my house. Asshole.
DoctorS> Don't worry sir. You won't have to worry about things right now.
Dr_Smascher> You can't upload anything if we cut communications and power.
DrS> In a bit you'll be okay and can go on with your life.
ResearcherVoct> It's not like we're going to kill you. That's what the amnesiacs are for.
DoctorSene> We'll, hahaha… find you…hehe… we won't hurt you in ways that hahaha you'll remember…
EngineerXiao> I have a trace on his location!
AgentHirakawa> None of you can touch me.
EngineerXiao> Sending in the Predators.
ResearcherSlaw> Somebody fucking medicate Sene
AgentElahi> I can touch you with a bullet.
DrStone> More importantly, the deadman switch is at your home, as you already explained to us.
DrShaRose> Again I remind you of the scope of this organization.
AgentClay> Look behind you. See the gentleman by the door?
DrReixis> I'm right next to him. I brought him to the rendezvous point as discussed. He's in the room with me right now.
DrShaRose> We have moles in every government, every police station, every news entity.
AgentHirakawa> DrReixis: What
DrStone> He won't see the gentleman by the door, our stealth systems are far too advanced.
DrShaRose> If you did decide to release any information, I can assure you it would be regarded as drivel.
ResearcherVoct> DrShaRose - well, don't exaggerate. 90% of government, 90% of police stations, 80% of news entities.
AgentBellstrom> Right this way, AgentCross. He started sneezing so I was able to catch him before he ran off.
AgentHirakawa> I'LL KILL EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU
He grabbed for the gun he kept by his computer, just in case, but was stopped by a gloved hand. Slowly, he looked over into the face of the person sitting next to him.
"It's OK, sir," the Agent said, pulling out a hypodermic syringe.
"You won't remember a thing."
He woke up in unusually high spirits the next morning. What was it that delighted him, he wondered?
He was about to finally get it. The conclusive proof that every advancement, every technological leap, every conspiracy, could be explained by the explanation his father had bequeathed to him, that he knew to be true with every fiber of his being.
It was the aliens.