Cool Guys Don't Look At Explosions
rating: +104+x

From: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M
To: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon
Subject: New Project!

Hey, Critic! I just wanted to clear my latest piece with you before I submit it to the Curator. I'm real excited about it, it's my first time submitting a full-length feature. Can I send it over to you for you to get your thoughts?

From: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon
To: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M
Subject: Re: New Project!

Bay, I swear to G-d, if your piece is another explosion extravaganza I will personally bar you from entering any further showings. We're all sick and tired of you trying to pass pyrokinesis off as art.

From: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M
To: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon
Subject: Re:Re:New Project!

Oh, come on, Critic. You know pyrokinesis is my jam. Explosions are totally cool. Come on, I know you want to watch it! It's got Mekhane in it! I know how much you want to get that grant from the Soho Cogwork Orthodox Church! It'll be fun! You'll enjoy it, I promise. It's gonna be a real crowd-pleaser.

From: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon
To: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M
Subject: Re:Re:Re: New Project!

Fine. Send it over.

From: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M
To: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon
Subject: Re:Re:Re:Re:New Project!
:)


ONE ATTACHMENT 📎
m_bay2007.mov

From: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon
To: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M
Subject: Fuck's sake.

Bay,

This was, predictably, a schlockfest. I could spend all day listing the things wrong with this train wreck of a film you have sent me, but for the sake of brevity, I will only list out the most blatantly offensive bits for you. Not because I want you to take this and improve it, but because I want you to really sit down and think about the bullshit you've presented me.

  • The explosions. By G-d the explosions.
  • This is incredibly misogynist. The women in the film might as well be objects.
  • Your depiction of the Clockwork Fever is laughable. A cube? It manifests as just a cube? This is pathetically uncreative.
  • Why did you include so many explosions?
  • The Mekhanites are portrayed as mindless brutes amidst a civil war. Yes, the Cogwork Orthodox Church may not get along with the Maxwellist sect, but this is really tasteless.
  • The worst part about this civil war thing is I can't even tell which faction each is supposed to represent.
  • This film depicts the corpse of Mekhane. The CORPSE of Mekhane. Don't you think seeing your deity dead would be distressing to the Mekhanites in the audience?
  • Do you get hard when you see an explosion, Bay?

In short, this was a terrible filmgoing experience and I refuse to show it at this year's exhibition. You should feel bad for the careers of the actors you will inevitably ruin with this film.

From: krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M#krd.liamhcrot|yaB.M
To: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon
Subject: Re: Fuck's sake.

You know what? Don't worry about it. I don't need this anart shit anyway.
Peace, bitch.


















From: krd.liamhcrot|ehtrotaruc#krd.liamhcrot|ehtrotaruc
To: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon
Subject: Hey!

Hey critic,

It's been a while. Do you want to go see that Transformers movie? I think one of our guys worked on it. Looks like a good time.

From: krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon#krd.liamhcrot|citircasydobon
To: krd.liamhcrot|ehtrotaruc#krd.liamhcrot|ehtrotaruc
Subject: RE: Hey!

Son of a bitch.

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