SWN001-1-CH00 DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE
DATE: 5 May 2023
FROM: Maura Castaldo <ten.pcs.atap|odlatsac.m#ten.pcs.atap|odlatsac.m>
TO: Penelope Panagiotopolous <ten.pcs.atap|suolopotoiganap.p#ten.pcs.atap|suolopotoiganap.p>
SUBJECT: SWN001-1-CH00 DOCUMENTARY EVIDENCE
Penelope,
We've been trying to identify "self-inserts" of the SWN001-1 entities for a while now, and I think we've been going about it wrong. So far we've been assuming a one-to-one correspondence — each "author" has a single "author avatar" that acts on its behalf in our narrative layer — but I think I've found some evidence that contradicts that theory.
The following is a collection of personnel files from Foundation precursors, going all the way back to ancient Rome. I believe that all these individuals were "self-inserts" of the same SWN001-1 entity, which I have tentatively designated SWN001-1-CH00 — based on naming patterns, I believe that the entity's nom de plume may be a reference to the Star Wars character "Chewbacca", probably stylized "Ch00bakka".
The first document comes from the Cura Praetoria Sapientae Occultae, or Praetorian Office of Hidden Wisdom, an organization that was definitely not as similar to the Foundation as this document implies. I've reproduced the original below, and a translation follows.
RECOVERED DOCUMENT SWN001-1-CH00-A: PRAETORIAN OFFICE OF HIDDEN WISDOM PERSONNEL FILE
Circa 125 AD. Fragmentary papyrus, Alexandria, Egypt. Latin/Greek. Translated by Maura Castaldo, 2018.
Name: Caius Hostilius Bacchus "Double-Nothing"
Security [Clearance?] Level: 4
Titles and Offices: Head Researcher of the Praetorian Office of Secret Wisdom; Tribune of the Plebs; Prefect of Libraries and Archives for the Emperor Hadrian.
Degrees and Honors: Doctor of Augury and Haruspicy, Roman Priestly College; Silver Star of Valor, Praetorian Office of Secret Wisdom.
Objects Studied:
Enemies of Rome Apprehended:
As you can see, we're already in the realm of the absurd. All of the items on the list of "Objects Studied" that haven't been damaged are definitely objects currently contained by the Foundation—they even have the right numbers! The CPSO never referred to anything as "SKΠ"—that's just a transliteration of "SCP" into the Greek alphabet!
The next document comes from the Holy Vehm, the witch-finding courts of the Holy Roman Emperor. It does fit better with the historical record, but it's still got some issues that identify its origin in an SWN001-1 instance.
RECOVERED DOCUMENT SWN001-1-CH00-B: HOLY VEHM WITCH-COURT TESTIMONY
July, 1532. Parchment, Cologne, Germany. Latin and High German. Translated by Maura Castaldo and Joseph Rosenbaum.
On the 12th day of July of the year of our lord 1532, the Ancient and Holy Vehm convened in the Archbishopric of Köln to come to a decision on the fate of seven persons suspected of witchcraft, heresy, and treason. The presiding judge was Dietricht Königsmann, accompanied by Brother Athanasius of the Benedictine order. Testimony was given by Inquisitrix-Sister Charlotta Oberst-Bakken of the order of Saint Catherine the Protector.
"I came to the Archbishopric in April, following a network of heretics who I had previously hunted down in Mainz. These heretics hold to a gnostic heresy known in Georgia from the time of Saint Constantine, replacing the host of the eucharist with a certain mushroom that causes them to experience false visions and to imagine that their family members—of which these heretics usually have few, if any—have been removed from the world by God.
"I tracked the heretics to a house on the outskirts of the city, sending my sisters around to guard the other doors and prevent any of them from escaping. Then we threw burning brands through the windows, catching the house ablaze. As the heretics fled from the building, we captured each one, binding them with chains of iron to prevent any witchcraft or sorcery. We returned to the cathedral, and each heretic confessed to their sins under torture.
"Four of the heretics you see before you have repented, and should be executed by beheading or hanging so that their death is not painful; the remainder have refused to recant, and should be burned at the stake as is fitting for unrepentant witches."
Inquisitrix-Sister Charlotta's recommendations were followed; the mushroom in question was officially designated as Heretical Object Two Thousand, Five Hundred and Seventeen.
The order of Saint Catherine the Protector doesn't show up anywhere else; and take a look at those initials. We also have no evidence that the Holy Vehm ever catalogued more than a few hundred heretical objects, and most of those were just different translations of the bible, not anomalous artifacts. And again, the number matches the SCP designation of a mushroom with identical effects.
We're jumping to the 20th century, now. This one is actually a Foundation personnel file, dating from the late 60s. It fits with the other SWN-001-1 "self-insert" files we've seen.
RECOVERED DOCUMENT SWN001-1-CH00-Γ: SCP FOUNDATION PERSONNEL RECORD
1967. Discovered in Storage Site-23 internal documents archive. English.
Name: Dr. Charles Oswald Oglivy Bakken
Security Clearance: Level 2
Position: Anomalous Document Storage Specialist, Storage Site-23.
Curriculum Vitae: BA in Classics, Deer College, 1956; MA in Library and Archival Studies, University of Chicago, 1960; Assistant Archivist, Site-23, 1961-1964; Anomalous Document Storage Specialist, Site-23, 1964—present.
Containment Files Authored:
SCP-1066 ("Instant Education")
SCP-2573 ("Fifth International Communist Party")
SCP-4065 ("Ancho(red) Reality")
SCP-4066 ("The Byzantine Empire Was Secretly Aliens")
Administrative Notes (Human Resources Eyes Only): Displays loyalty to the Foundation, despite Communist sympathies (subscribes to several Socialist and Communist periodicals, which led to initial identification of SCP-2573).
Notably, 1066 wasn't contained until the 21st century, and 2573 didn't manifest until the fall of the Soviet Union. This individual doesn't show up in the main personnel records, only in a paper file in Site-23's archive.
The last document I have for you is the most recent. It's the Void bio—a Dark Web alternative to microblogging platforms such as Twitter or Tumblr used mainly by residents of extradimensional spaces like Three Portlands and the Wanderer's Library—of a user with the handle "⁂ch00_bakka".
RECOVERED DOCUMENT SWN001-1-CH00-Δ: VOID BIO
2023. Recovered from http://void.dark/ch00_bakka/bio
Hi! I'm Griffin, but you can call me ch00bakka. I'm an antifascist, an anarchist, a discordian, and a chaos magician. I also play for the Legion of Dynamic Derby in the 3Ports Derby League, and I'm a pretty big fan of the local rugby league as well, but I don't actually play. :P
I write reviews of anart and other weird shit! Here are some of my most popular reviews—more are on the way!
hERPes - (CW sex) An STI you can get from Neverwinter Nights? (3.5/5 cold sores)
Death of the Artist - (CW suicide) Suicide made into performance art. (4/5 identical corpses)
Rubedo Reserve Oinopoeic Sublimator - It makes blood into wine and costs 3,000,000 bucks. (1.5/5 bottles of blood on the wall)
The Mark of Xerrox - Ever wanted to be Zorro? Now you can, but there's no going back! (3.5/5 fictional Carters)
The Pride Hacker - Making pinkwashing way more difficult since 2019. (5/5 rainbows)
I'm fairly sure that this last one is the most true-to-life of SWN001-1-CH00's author avatars—I've developed a psychological profile of the entity, which I've attached to this email. Creating these profiles for all the SWN001-1 author entities should help us identify other cases in which one entity has multiple "self-insert" characters.
Dr. Maura Castaldo
Lead Psychologist
Pataphysics Division
hey don't you dare declassify my articles, if you do i'll delete the article and all your "work" will be for nothing thanks
oh and if I disappear for whatever reason then do what u gotta do to my articles, you know? rewrite 'em if they drop too low, crosslink 'em if you wanna, et cetera.