Captain Kirby's Proposal

Info

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Captain Kirby's Proposal: O5-13

We're only human.

Author: Captain Kirby

SCPs

SCP Number	Rating
SCP-3393	892
Captain Kirby's Proposal	565
SCP-4514	451
SCP-3448	440
SCP-5552	433
SCP-3388	401
SCP-3844	391
SCP-5003	375
SCP-3305	356
SCP-3866	334
SCP-4877	305
SCP-4321	292
SCP-3449	284
SCP-016-J	198
SCP-3123	188
SCP-3511	183
SPC-1057	178
SCP-4925	158
SCP-3633	156
SCP-3393-EX	151
SCP-3767	150
SCP-4479	143
SCP-6007	135
SCP-4775	129
SCP-4316	124
SCP-4034	122
SCP-3650	85
SCP-5877	75
SCP-5779	58
SCP-5448	56
SCP-3203	56
SCP-3405	46
SCP-3481	42

Tales

Title	Rating
Impossible-To-Destroy Reptile	363
In The Clutches Of Life	282
Numbers, Like Stories, Never Die	239
Excerpts From The Societal Census Programme ΩK-Class Report	175
With The Reaper On Retirement	173
Tales of the Ethics Committee: 5 Reasons The Foundation Wants A Robot Army	162
Don't Get Used To It	130
Do You Remember Funerals?	123
The Many Portraits Of Jack Bright	121
The Tombstone of Alto Clef	116
Group Date	116
Monochrome	113
Where Death Used To Live	109
Project Damnerung	103
Hello, My Name Isn't	102
From The Clutches Of Life	94
You Have 18 Unread Messages	86
Hundred-Year Favor	85
Even The Most Masked Of Men Become Themselves Behind Closed Doors	76
Everyday Is Somebody's Birthday	67
The Shape of a Noose	59
A Failed Two Weeks Notice	59
Rocks And Trees Are Not Good Company	55
'Til Death Do Us Part	52
Pink Cracks in a Digital Wall	51
Is Anybody Home?	50
Poky And Pal Scheme Together	50
Poky And Pal Arm Themselves	45
I Felt Numb	38
Carnivores	35
It's A Nice Day Out	35
When It Rains, It Pours	31
Attempts To Salvage Thought	29
I Am Wonderful	29
They Are Not Laughing With You	22
Containment's A Beach	19

GOI Formats

Title	Rating
Captain Kirby's Proposal, Or Something	157
My Head Is On Fire And I'm (Not) Ok	78
Project Proposals 2004-013/2014-114/2024-072: "Losing Your Cool"	53

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More information

More information

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You may also like:

WJS Proposal - Normalcy by WrongJohnSilver

In case you're wondering why this object is here where it doesn't belong, it's important to remember two things.

First, the SCP-001 slot is specifically reserved for use by the O5 Council as they deem necessary.

Second, "consensus reality" is simply consensus of the Council.

Tanhony's Proposal - Dead Men by Tanhony

SCP-001 is an 84-year-old male who has been conceptually merged with the universal process of death.

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SCP-001

Item #: SCP-001

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-001 is to be confined to a specially modified containment facility that is to appear similar to other Foundation Sites. The main differences between this facility and existing Sites are that it is to be outfitted with living arrangements for the entire Overseer Council. This is to disguise the nature of SCP-001's containment. Additionally, all rooms¹ in the facility are to be equipped with security cameras. It is also to be equipped with three failsafe nuclear warheads which shall be detonated should SCP-001 breach containment. This site is to be named Site-01.

One member of the O5 Council is to partake in a regimen involving mnestic drugs. The individual undergoing the regimen (henceforth referred to as the Archivist) is to maintain a journal of all information gathered about SCP-001, as well as any events of note involving SCP-001. At the end of an individual's tenure as Archivist, they are to convene a special O5 meeting to assess the state of SCP-001's containment and update this file. Tenures will last at most four months at a time, however, an Archivist may resign sooner should the mnestic regimen's side-effects grow too intense.

As of this writing, the only O5 members with proper tolerance to mnestic drugs to take on the role of the Archivist are O5-1, O5-8 and O5-12.

No member of the O5 Council (including SCP-001) is permitted to leave Site-01 without an approved accompaniment from MTF Alpha-1 ("Red Right Hand"). Access to this document is to be restricted to non-anomalous members of the O5 Council and safeguarded with a memetic kill agent.

Description: SCP-001 is the entity known as O5-13. The exact nature of SCP-001 is not yet known. How SCP-001 came to be in the position of O5-13 is still under investigation. Due to the current lack of understanding of SCP-001, it has been deemed necessary to keep SCP-001 unaware of its containment.

SCP-001 is known to take on the appearance of a 1.9m tall male human of Latin American descent. Whether or not this is SCP-001's true form or a disguise is still under investigation.

SCP-001 was classified as anomalous following the Caesar Incident. While details of the Caesar Incident are under investigation by the O5 Council, the following events are understood to be the result of the Caesar Incident:

• The death of all previous O5 Council members, except for O5-13.
• The destruction of the previous Site-01.
• The loss of all documentation regarding SCP-001 prior to the Caesar Incident, had such documentation existed.

It is also understood that SCP-001 caused the Caesar Incident through manifestation of its anomalous properties. Due to the lack of information about the Caesar event, it is currently believed that one of these properties is antimemetic in nature, although this has not yet been confirmed.

As of this writing, the investigation of SCP-001 has been delegated as follows:

Assigned Members	Task
O5-1, O5-8, O5-12	Amalgamation of investigation results
O5-4, O5-7, O5-10	Identification of SCP-001's origin
O5-2, O5-6, O5-9	Investigation of the Caesar Incident
O5-3, O5-5, O5-11	Identification of SCP-001's anomalous properties

+ SCP-001 Conference #1

Opening Remarks by O5-1:

O5-1: Hello everyone. I'm sure you're all wondering why Thirteen isn't here today. I'll get to that, but first I want to publicly address something I'm sure you've all noticed by now. After talking to you for the past week or so, I've noticed that we've all been inducted onto the Council almost at the exact same time. All of us, except Thirteen that is. In fact, Thirteen probably conducted your orientation.

Council members nod.

O5-2: It's good to know that wasn't just me. I would've expected the last Two to run me through things.

O5-1: Indeed. In fact, I asked Thirteen about it, but he refused to say much. Of course he pled ignorance, but I don't believe that. So, I messaged the Administrator.

O5-6: You got in contact with him?

O5-11: I thought he was entirely off the grid. Either that or just fake.

O5-1: I spoke to the previous One a while back. He mentioned something about a wish list he wanted to send to the Administrator. I did a little digging, sent a letter to the north pole, and got a response.

O5-4: I have a hard time believing that's all it takes.

O5-1: You're right, there's more to it than that, but I'd rather discuss the process another time. But back to his response: as you might guess, the previous twelve O5s did not retire at the same time. They were killed. In fact, this building isn't even the original Site-01. That was destroyed. I think you can see where this is going.

O5-3: So, we have a dead O5 council, a missing Site-01, and somehow none of this is on our records.

O5-2: And only one suspect.

O5-1: I would like to designate O5-13 as one of our SCP-001 projects. Of course, this will be kept secret from him, but we need to investigate this entire ordeal until we figure out what happened, how it happened, and why O5-13 is the only one left standing.

Conference Minutes: The following is a summary of additional items discussed during the meeting.

• Creation of current containment procedures
• Assignment of O5 members to necessary roles.
• Appointment of O5-1 as the inaugural Archivist.

+ SCP-001 Conference #2

Caesar Incident Update: Due to the lack of information about Site-01, including its geographical location, there has been difficulty in establishing who, if anyone, survived the incident. A number of personnel who transferred into their current department during the week following the Caesar Incident were interviewed, as it was believed that these individuals had originally worked at Site-01.

Unfortunately, all individuals who were identified as survivors had little to no memory of the event. Below is the transcript from one such interview. Contact the current Archivist for a copy of all transcripts.

Survivor Interview Transcript

Preface: The following interview was conducted over a secure telephone line. The interviewer used standard voice modulation to deter probability of being properly identified. The interviewee was not informed of the identity of the interviewer.

Interviewer: O5-2

Interviewee: Dr. Henry Pollick

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Pollick: Hello?

O5-2: Hey, I scheduled to talk to you briefly around now?

Pollick: Oh, you're my three o'clock. What's up with your voice?

O5-2: Just standard procedure for my department.

Pollick: Ok…

O5-2: Anyways, I want to just ask you a few questions about what you remember regarding the events of May 13th of this year.

Pollick: Sorry, uh… not sure I remember all that well. It was a few months back and all.

O5-2: I would think it'd stand out. It was just before your transfer.

Pollick: Oh shit right! Yeah yeah…

O5-2: You remember why you got transferred?

Pollick: Yeah. Containment breach went off at my old site. Really fucked me up bad, but I don't know many of the details. They're probably classified and all that.

O5-2: You know what Site you were working at?

Pollick: Site-5.²

O5-2: Alright. Well, do you remember anything else about the breach?

Pollick: Sorry but I don't think so. Probably had something antimemetic in it that got to me. Either that or I'm just blocking it out.

O5-2: Alright, thanks for your time.

Origin Update: Below is the transcript of the Origin Team's status report from the Conference, as well as the relevant, recovered materials from their investigation.

Conference Transcript Excerpt

O5-9: But we can't confirm any connection if we don't know who it is!

O5-11: Or what it is.

O5-1: Speaking of which, we should probably move onto the update on the anomaly's origin.

O5-10 looks at O5-4 and O5-7. O5-7 shakes her head and shivers slightly.

O5-4: You handled most the information yourself Ten.

O5-10: In such case, I shall present. Our investigation started where most would, at the beginning. We examined the database for documents detailing O5-13's induction into the Council.

O5-2: I assume they got wiped?

O5-10: Fascinatingly enough, no. The O5 personnel dossier, which is woefully out of date might I add—

O5-4: Ten…

O5-10: … still contains a section for O5-13. I could not discern if it has been tampered with, since the edit history has been erased.

O5-8: So, there's a 99% chance it's inaccurate instead of 100%.

O5-4: Or Thirteen wanted to hide something about the other O5 members.

O5-10: However, if we assume that this is accurate, the dossier implies that the previous council understood that Thirteen is indeed an anomaly.

O5-13's Personal Dossier

Physical Description: Male. Latin American descent. Late 50s. No unusual appearance.

Induction Vote: 12 in favor. 0 against.

Purpose On Council: O5-13's special connection to the anomalous gives him a perspective no other council member could begin to fathom. While Normalcy Confirmation meetings require eleven members for quorum, no meeting is allowed to proceed without O5-13's attendance.

Anomalous Property Measurements:

Observed Property	Method	Result	Within Baseline
Appearance	In-Person Observation	Consistently appeared as a humanoid as described above3	Yes
Temperature	IR Security Cameras	37.3 °C	Yes
Skeletal Structure	X-Ray Security Cameras	Resembles Homo Sapiens Sapiens	Yes
Corporeality	In-Person Observation	Exhibited corporeal properties when in contact with both inanimate and animate objects.	Yes
Induced Emotional States	In-Person Observation and Self Reporting	Mild dread, and curiosity	Yes4

O5-1 Statement on Previous Council: O5-1 recorded in the Archivist Journal, and discussed with the O5 Council his interaction with the previous O5-1. Below is an excerpt from the Conference Transcript:

O5-11: We can't make any assumptions about the previous council. We don't know what they did and not understand about Thirteen. Hell, every message I got from them was sent through an intermediary. Even the emails.

O5-6: Actually, I believe One has spoken to some of the previous council in person.

All members turn to O5-1.

O5-1: This is true. However, I only spoke with the previous O5-1 once.

O5-11: What about?

O5-1: It was after my promotion to Site Director. The initial briefing is usually delivered by the previous Director but… well he was killed during a containment breach, which was the reason for my promotion. O5-1 elected to brief me instead.

O5-6: So you discussed mostly Site-23 specific details?

O5-1: Mostly. He asked me at the beginning something peculiar though. He said, "What shit hole are you escaping from that makes this hellscape of a job worth taking?" I asked him to clarify and he responded, "I guess we're all fucked up differently. I'm fucked up from the neck down. You're just fucked in the head." He went on about modifications that had been made to his body to increase longevity. After that, we talked about philosophies regarding how containment of anomalies should be handled, which circled back around to briefing me on Site-23.

O5-11: So he didn't say anything about Thirteen then.

O5-1: He did not, but I didn't sense any sort of unease when he spoke of his fellow council members. But then again this might have been before the current Thirteen's appointment, it was nine years ago.

Conference Minutes: The following is a summary of the items discussed during the meeting not covered above.

• Discussion of containment procedure modifications to allow for more stringent monitoring. This was later vetoed by the Ethics Committee for privacy concerns⁵.
• Decision for next steps for each subgroup.
  • Caesar Incident Team: Locate previous Site-01
  • SCP-001 Origin Team: Investigate possibility of ties with Groups of Interest
  • Anomalous Properties Team: New methods of analyzing SCP-001
• Appointment of O5-8 as Archivist.

+ SCP-001 Conference #3

Notice from O5-8

Conference #3 was cut short after an intense exchange led to enough people leaving the meeting for us to lose quorum. We archived all of the material covered up to that point, as well as the efforts made to de-escalate tension between the members. However, this also means that information herein was not properly vetted by the entire Council before being uploaded, so we erred on the conservative side. If you need to see the full proceedings, please contact the current Archivist.

Caesar Incident Update:

Location of Site-01 circled on a map of Greenland

Investigation of Previous Site-01 Report

Location: The geographical location of the previous Site-01 (henceforth referred to as Site-01-P for the purposes of this report) is not recorded anywhere within the Foundation Database. Therefore, we expanded our search to see if any unexplained phenomena occurred on May 13th that might have originated from the Caesar Incident. While the majority of oddities that occurred on that day could be attributed to a known anomaly, one incident could not be explained.

An earthquake measuring 6.6 on the Richter Scale originated from an uninhabited island off the coast of Greenland. Greenland is known to have glacial earthquakes, but those generally register around 5.5 on the Richter Scale and occur more often in the summer. An aerial inspection of the island revealed that this was, in fact, the location of Site-01-P.

Exploration: Aerial photographs of the area surrounding Site-01-P shown that it had been completely decimated. Almost none of the original structure was intact.

Additionally, measurements taken by the same aircraft discovered that the area emitted radiation at levels similar to that of nuclear fallout sites. Between this, and the site of the explosion as indicated by the Richter Scale measurement, it appears that Site-01-P detonated its on-site nuclear warhead as part of the Caesar Incident.

A team of four agents was selected to explore the wreckage of Site-01-P. This team was equipped with Hazmat Suits, SCRAMBLE gear, and a number of measurement devices. Unfortunately, the team could not reach the site, as after they landed on the island, the team was approached by GOC representatives demanding they vacate the premises. The GOC had set up a hidden outpost on the island that did not appear in earlier photographs.

Further investigation revealed that the only O5 member who was previously contacted about the GOC taking control of the area surrounding Site-01-P was O5-13. This has not been brought to O5-13's attention for fear of raising suspicion of our investigation.

Origin Update: The Origins Investigation team attempted to retrieve information pertaining to SCP-001 from Groups of Interest, since Foundation databases have been tampered with. Below is a summary of their results:

Group Of Interest	Information of Note	Result
Global Occult Coalition	Described O5-13 as a short woman of Asian descent. Made note of an ornate walking stick.	Consistent with O5 Information Security Policy.
Manna Charitable Foundation	Described O5-13 as an unremarkable male of Latin American descent.	Level of ambiguity is consistent with 2013 Body Double Protocol.
Marshall, Carter and Dark Ltd.	Described O5-13 as an unremarkable male of Latin American descent. Has a lead on how to find additional information. Possesses general information regarding O5 Council members.	Level of ambiguity is consistent with 2013 Body Double Protocol/Inconsistent with O5 Information Security Policy
Unusual Incidents Unit	Described O5-13 as a short woman of Asian decent. Made note of an ornate walking stick.	Consistent with O5 Information Security Policy.

Premature Adjourning: During the review of the Origin Team's investigation's results, the following exchange took place. It is recorded here for posterity.

O5-1: Excuse me, Four. I believe some clarification regarding the exchange with Marshall, Carter and Dark is necessary.

O5-4: How so?

O5-1: It mentions here that you performed an exchange. It is important for the records, and for our general information security that we know exactly what information was exchanged.

O5-4: Yes, that does make sense. I'm sorry, I did not write that section of the report.

O5-10: If my memory serves me well, Seven was responsible for the Marshall, Carter and Dark reconnaissance.

O5-1: Well, Seven, could you elaborate?

O5-7 looks at O5-1, and swallows.

O5-11: You know, the rules are pretty tight on this. Why did you give them anything in the first place?

O5-3: Eleven makes a good point. Don't we have our own spies working some of the transport routes?

O5-7 nods and then begins going through her belongings.

O5-3: Could you at least tell us what kind of information you gave them?

O5-7 pauses, thinks to herself for a moment and then motioned to the entire Council.

O5-11: Wait, you gave them information about us?

O5-7 shakes her head, pauses again, and then nods her head yes. She holds up a finger and then goes back to looking through her files.

O5-11: But that's— No. I don't believe this. We can't let people know about us no matter the situation. Imagine if word got out that the old Council had been killed. I bet cults across the planet would have a hay day.

O5-4: I doubt that she said anything actually important.

O5-11: Oh really? I've only dealt with the merchants once or twice, but they know how to appraise anything, especially information.

O5-7 holds up an index finger and then continues looking through her files.

O5-11: Are you just going to ignore the issue then? Just going to hang us out to dry?

O5-8: Eleven, you need to calm down.

O5-11: We're all waiting on you. [under his breath] Dumb bitch.

O5-7 looks up at O5-11, and then puts her files away. She gathers her things and leaves the room.

O5-11: Can't take being called out, I see.

O5-1: Eleven, I will need to speak with you following this meeting.

O5-11: You can talk to me now. I'll be in my office.

O5-11 leaves the room.

O5-4: Eight, I'd like to go after Seven to make sure she didn't actually do something stupid.

O5-8: That's fine. I believe that would drop us below quorum, but I believe this meeting has fallen apart anyways. One, Twelve and I will make the next update ourselves. This SCP-001 Conference is dismissed.

Update Regarding Information Security Concern:

Following the official ending of the meeting, O5-7 distributed the summary of all information exchanged with Marshall, Carter and Dark. The information was pulled from the out-of-date O5 Dossier. The current explanation as to why it was accepted by the Group of Interest is that it would have confirmed any information they had gathered previously about the O5 Council. As part of the exchange we have received a tip as to where to find more information on SCP-001, which the Origins Team will investigate for the next conference.

O5-7 later clarified in a written statement that she had left the meeting simply to retrieve the file detailing this information, since it was not on her person. O5-7 insisted that she does not need an interpreter, due to information security concerns. A discussion was scheduled between her and O5-1 to reduce communicational issues at a later date. O5-11 issued a formal apology.

I hope that this will be the cessation of any internal conflicts. We are working together, and therefore require that a trusting relationship has been established between all members. As Abraham Lincoln once said, "A house divided against itself, cannot stand."

-O5-8

Conference Minutes: The following is a summary of the items discussed during/after the meeting not covered above.

• Decision for next steps for each subgroup.
  • Caesar Incident Team: Revisit investigation into possible survivors
  • SCP-001 Origin Team: Follow up on the lead from Marshall, Carter and Dark.
  • Anomalous Properties Team: Consider additional tests to perform on SCP-001
• Appointment of O5-12 as Archivist.

+ SCP-001 Conference #4

Caesar Incident Update:

Conference Transcript Excerpt

O5-12: Two, why doesn't your team start us off.

O5-2: Alright, sure. We did make some nice progress.

O5-8: Always good to start a meeting on a high note.

O5-2: You all remember those four survivors we talked about last meeting, right? We got back in touch with them and did a more… thorough interview. More intense techniques, lie detector tests, heart rate monitoring, the whole shebang.

O5-3: Do you have transcripts?

O5-2: I do but, spoiler-alert, they're not very different from the first round.

O5-9: So, we're now convinced they genuinely don't remember.

O5-11: How far does Thirteen's antimemetic side reach?

O5-2: Slow down there. We're not quite done. You see, as part of our second round of interviews, we also did a physical examination and some tests to see what messed with their heads. And we found they all had a little scar, right on the side of their necks. Right where we inject amnestics.

O5-8: I mean, while I understand what you're implying, we tend to administer amnestics fairly liberally. Last meeting was essentially just a prolonged reminder of how much we value InfoSec.

O5-2: True, but we keep good records of who we use with that stuff, how much we're using, if we're using the pills or the syringe, etcetera. However when I went to look up if any of our "survivors" had ever taken the injectable amnestic, all my results came back negative.

O5-6: I also took the liberty of checking out Red Right Hand. The entire squad's got injection scars, and we rarely wipe those guys.

O5-2: Whatever happened… I think we covered it up ourselves.

O5-1: When you say "ourselves" do you mean—

O5-2: Oh, no I just mean the Foundation. If we were actually involved, then everyone here would have those scars, but Six, Nine and I definitely don't have them, so that leads me to believe they didn't drug us. It would be an all-or-nothing deal.

O5-12: Good work. Sounds like Eight needs to have a talk with our Amnestics Department.

O5-8: Wait, wait. Sorry, I'm still trying to keep all details in order. You said they were injected?

O5-2: Yeah.

O5-8: See, that's what I don't get. We used the injections like, ten years ago? We moved onto the pills since you can miss a vein. Also, I checked our amnestics supply right after the Caesar event, and we didn't see any variation from our normal usage.

O5-6: Maybe the records are off? We've found that whatever Thirteen did, he's good at covering up his tracks.

O5-8: I don't think that's it. Because you know who does still use those injectable amnestics? The GOC.

O5-12: I see we'll have to schedule another meeting with our good friends at the UN as well.

Origin Update: Member of MTF Alpha-1 was chosen to follow up on the lead O5-7 had bartered for with Marshall, Carter and Dark.

SCP-001 Origin Interview Transcript

Preface: The following interview was conducted in person by a member of MTF Alpha-1 in place of an O5 Council member.

Interviewer: Agent Tennison, MTF Alpha-1 ("Red Right Hand")

Interviewee: Unknown (Referred to as PoI-001)

---

Tennison: Afternoon.

PoI-001: Afternoon indeed. God, the weather is atrocious today. All overcast, no rain.

Tennison: I was told you knew something about a man in a mask?

PoI-001: In a mask? No, he didn't wear a mask, but I know who you're referring to. I met with him back in May.

Tennison: What did you two talk about?

PoI-001: Not much surprisingly. I just wanted to meet the man. He was told I had information too. Funny how much that motivates people.

Tennison: So, you have nothing for us.

PoI-001: I wouldn't say nothing. Like, I could tell you I saw him on the 13th of that month.

Tennison: [begins taking notes] Anything else?

PoI-001: I could tell you, he came alone, but he didn't leave alone.

Tennison: What do you mean?

PoI-001: Bunch of guys came by, UIU I think? They came and picked him up. Surprised the hell out of both of us. Though I'm even more surprised I was able to get out of there.

Tennison: What did he look like?

PoI-001: Hispanic guy. Mid sixties? Nothing much of note really.

Tennison: I see… Anything else?

PoI-001: Of course there is. But just one more thing: it wasn't originally my idea to meet up with them. Nah, it got passed along to me through one of my contacts.

Tennison: Contacts? What contacts?

PoI-001: Nope, that's all you get.

Tennison: But I at least need a name from you.

PoI-001: A name? Oh, you must've learned by now that names aren't just something people hand out. Besides, I'm nobody of note.

Anomalous Properties Measurements: Below is a transcript from the Anomalous Properties Investigation Team's presentation during the conference. The results are summarized within the transcript, however, access to a more detailed report is available upon request.

Conference Transcript Excerpt

O5-3: Ok… so everyone here has the records of our measurements, although I can tell you now, they are not particularly insightful.

O5-10: Do you have too many leads to choose from?

O5-5: Quite the opposite actually. We have nothing. Nothing abnormal with regard to radiation, humes, radio frequencies. Thirteen is almost impressively normal.

O5-2: Are you sure we're not going about this wrong? I mean, I know we've kind of quantified some of our anomalies in the past but, as a general rule they're not supposed to follow the rules, right?

O5-3: That is what I was beginning to suspect, although it is troubling that he can just hide it from us entirely.

O5-5: Or there's the other option - we're not only barking up the wrong tree, but we're in the entirely wrong forest.

O5-4: You saying he's not even anomalous in the first place?

O5-3: It's either that, or we're dealing with a god. And a god who knows the Foundation better than even we do.

O5-1: Let's continue to discuss the non-anomalous option, since it appears that there would be very little we could do about the other case.

O5-9: So, that would mean that he's probably an inside man for the Insurgency.

O5-11: Or Serpent's Hand.

O5-3: No, not the hand. They don't operate like this.

O5-2: He might be a Fifthist fanatic.

O5-9: That too.

O5-1: Or maybe he's with someone else. We've seen quite a bit of the GOC and UIU popping up in this.

O5-10: My apologies, but I do find it difficult to believe that a single insurgent would be able to detonate the on-site nuclear warhead from half-way across the globe, if we believe our previous information.

O5-3: I'm not sure we can though. It sounds like he spoke to our regular body double.

O5-5: Maybe his anomalous property is that he can create body doubles?

O5-11: But what are we supposed to do with that?

O5-12: Excuse me, but I would like to return to the earlier line of discussion about Thirteen being unable to perform the assassination due to possibly meeting with our point of contact, because I am beginning to believe that he actually did meet with Thirteen.

O5-5: So, you believe that he was able to blow Site-01 sky high from halfway across the globe? I mean, if we're going with the god theory I could see it.

O5-12: No, I'm saying he had help. Or at least more than one man helping him. Remember how our request to install additional security cameras was denied by the Ethics Committee?

O5-6: Did you finally talk to them?

O5-12: I did. I met with Mr. Huang to demand an explanation. He refused and told me it was above my security clearance.

O5-11: Above your security clearance? You're on the Council, there simply aren't things "outside of your jurisdiction". You run the Ethics Committee for goodness sakes!

O5-12: That's not quite accurate. I am not in charge of the Ethics Committee, I'm simply the O5 ambassador to it. They need to be a separate entity to eliminate bias in various cases.

O5-1: So, you believe that Thirteen is in league with the Ethics Committee?

O5-3: Or the Administrator if it's set above your security clearance.

O5-12: Or both. Whoever it is, they are trying very hard to stop us from seeing him in private.

O5-11: Someone should just let us give him a full physical. He's probably baseline, this would let us confirm that.

O5-2: Yeah, but if we're wrong and our "god theory" is correct, he'll blow our asses sky-high like the last council.

O5-1: I believe that we need to adjourn here, so we have enough time to prepare for our next full Council meeting to avoid suspicion. Although we do need to expand our search further. I will consider speaking to Thirteen before the next conference, but I will only do so if I believe it will not result in a second Caesar Incident. Are there any objections to this?

The council is silent.

O5-1: Then I believe this conference is dismissed.

Please Enter Security Credentials:

Hello Thirteen,

I’m sure you’ve been keeping tabs on your fellow Council’s progress. They’re growing closer than either of us wanted, but I’m not surprised. When you get enough smart people together, they tend to surpass your expectations.

You’re probably hoping this is going to end soon. I’m sorry you’ve gone through this, it obviously wasn’t in our plan for you when we inducted you into the council. But, if you could keep up our gambit a little longer I would be appreciative. I’m unconvinced your cohorts are ready to know what happened to their predecessors, and I don’t want to ask Al Fine and Johnson to help clean up another May 13th. I don't even want the thought of pulling a Caesar Event in their heads. The GOC and the UIU already have enough dangling over my head as is.

But if they do approach you, and confront you about the situation, I’d rather you have a direct answer. Also, transcripts tend to be more convincing than recall.

I’ve attached here the transcript from the O5 meeting before the "Caesar Incident". It’s part of the last-minute backup that Site-01 performed as part of Stage 3 Containment Breach Protocols. If anyone asks where those backups are stored, you can tell them the same thing I told you – it’s beyond their clearance.

-The Administrator

O5-1 is present in the O5 Council Conference Room. He is working at a laptop in front of him, beside which sits a cup of coffee.

Computer: Access Granted. You have five minutes to complete an action before the session automatically shuts down.

O5-1: [to himself] Fucking unmutable reminders…

Two minutes pass before the remaining council members except for O5-13 enter the room. O5-1 is already present, and O5-13 is missing.

O5-1: You're all here! Great, wouldn't want one of you to be off-site for this.

O5-4: One, what’s this about? I know you’ve been going through a phase lately, but emergency meetings demand a real emergency.

O5-1: Oh, it’s an emergency alright.

O5-8: Then spit it out. We have a breach? New XK level threat?

O5-1: No, it’s more of something under Two’s jurisdiction. We have an internal affairs issue.

O5-1 motions to the coffee.

O5-1: One of you bastards thought I would actually drink this.

O5-11: Someone didn’t give you enough sugar?

O5-1: No, too much arsenic.

Computer: You have three minutes to complete an action before the session automatically shuts down.

O5-8: [motions to computer] Do you want to finish with that?

O5-1: That pain-in-the-ass can be patient.

O5-4: Wait, wait. You think one of us tried to kill you with your… coffee.

O5-1: Oh, don’t act like that’s below you or some bull shit. I know you’ve all been out to bury my ass.

O5-5: One, calm down. I know we’ve had our differences but—

O5-1: But what? It’s not like this is the first time one of you has tried to fuck me over. I know your guys once tried to infiltrate one of my transports.

O5-5: Infiltrate? He was assigned to fill in for—

O5-7: It’s no use, Five. The man can't think straight anymore.

O5-1: Oh really? Who’s the one here with his head so far up Marshall’s ass he can taste the caviar?

O5-7: You’re accusing me of selling out?

O5-1: No, no. I’m accusing all of you of selling out, or being out for yourself or some shit. You’ve all gone soft. It used to be ”if it don’t make sense, throw it in a cage”. Now it's “let’s measure it, look into it, figure out what we know, then make sure it doesn’t bother anyone”. That’s not containment. That’s sitting idly and hoping the public doesn’t find it. My god, we’ve started outsourcing to pet shelters!

O5-4: You know, if this is a problem we can just calm down and rethink our stances on a few things.

O5-1: That won’t change shit. Half of you are under someone’s thumb and the other half of you are so fucked up you need a cell of your own.

O5-7: Says the man who suggested we drink from the Fountain of Youth.

O5-1: Well, Seven you’re right. I’m about as far from baseline as the rest of you. Like, goddamn it, anomalies are essentially running this organization. Ten’s learned how to do magic from the library. I need to take a whole cocktail of drugs just to remember Eight exists.

Computer: You have two minutes to complete an action before the session automatically shuts down.

O5-1: [to the computer] Shut up goddamn it!

O5-10: We're getting off topic. You said someone poisoned you. What about Thirteen? He’s not even here!

O5-1: That’s because I sent him to talk to Nobody.

O5-10: Why?

O5-1: Because he’s the only one I trust. He’s the only one I don’t need to have this chat with. He’s the only normal person on this whole fucking Council. We plucked him off the streets, and just started asking him “do you think this is weird?” I’m not worried about someone whose movements we’ve been able to monitor since he came out of the uterus. You fuckers— I don’t know what you all did before you showed up here. For all I know you’re just eldritch abominations waiting for the chance to kill me dead.

O5-4: One, slow down.

Computer: You have one minute to complete an action before the session automatically shuts down.

O5-1: And you know what? We’ve always been pretty liberal with containing anomalies. Now we might have twelve of them on the Council.

O5-12: One!

O5-1: What?

O5-12: Your session! Just finish it already. It's distracting as all hell.

O5-1: You know… you're right. I should just finish it already. There's not much more for me to do.

O5-1 resumes his work at the computer.

O5-1: Aside from containing you, like the inhuman aberrations you are.

Computer: Emergency Stage 3 Containment Breach Protocol Activated. Nuclear warhead will detonate in 5…

Footnotes

1. Excluding restrooms and personal quarters, by order of the Ethics Committee

2. Site-5 does not exist

3. As opposed to distinct individuals reporting different observations while observing the entity concurrently

4. The responses were determined to be natural reactions

5. Members of the committee were not informed of SCP-001.

‡ Licensing / Citation

Cite this page as:

"Captain Kirby's Proposal" by Captain Kirby, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/captain-kirby-s-proposal. Licensed under CC-BY-SA.

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